Writings of Emily Cross
by penelope lemon
Summary: I was in for the adventure of a lifetime with a man who was quickly stealing my heart away. That was before Rose DeWitt Bukater stepped into his life and now suddenly, my best friend is slipping through my fingers. I never thought I'd find comfort in a brooding Irishman but love has a funny way of weaving itself into our lives.
1. Adventure

**Adventure**

* * *

_Dear Reader,_

_I'm sorry that you have come across this unfortunate account of my voyage on the RMS Titanic. __Don't be alarmed though, this story remains fairly happy, though it is real. And we all know that sometimes real does not always mean happy._

_Still, my hope is that you find a friend in this journal. And along with that I hope you will find love, goodness, humor and adventure as I did. God bless._

_Cordially yours,_

_Emily Cross_

* * *

**April 10th 1912**

**Southampton, England**

I glanced around the bustling port of Southampton. I felt completely out of place standing in the middle of all the commotion, barley moving while people around me shoved their way to board the massive ship that was RMS Titanic. A smartly dressed man pushed past me as he made his way to board upper class, not bothering to excuse himself. I didn't mind, and in fact I hardly noticed. I was too preoccupied searching the faces of the crowd.

I found myself checking the time on the large clock in the port again. Jack and Fabrizio were late in meeting me, as I had only guessed they would be. I sighed in annoyance, setting down my one suitcase that held all of my belongings and sat on top of it to wait. A few people looked down at me with snide expressions as they passed. I knew how unapt I must have looked, sitting on my suitcase, in the middle of the port, all by my lonesome, my relaxed position an insult to ladies everywhere. I ignored them, crossing my legs and resting my chin on the palm of my hand. I checked the time on the clock for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"Emily!" A voice called from the crowd.

I jumped up from my suitcase, craning my neck to peer above heads and hats for my friends.

"Jack! Fabrizio!" I shouted across the port. More insults for the women, "I was beginning to think that you had forgotten about me."

Jack grinned, pushing his blonde hair out of his eyes as he approached. I couldn't stop the absurd smile on my face, feeling featherbrained in Jack's presence.

_Stop it Emily_, I scolded myself inwardly, _Jack is your friend. Only your friend._

Even as I said it, I knew it was a lie. These last few months, my emotions for Jack had been mercurial. I couldn't stop the feelings for him that were budding inside me and yet I wanted them desperately to stop. We had a dear friendship, a friendship I didn't want to jeopardize all because of silly emotions.

Jack and I had been friends for some time. We had met in London a few years ago, when I was fifteen and he was seventeen. Jack had been doing sketches in exchange for housing and I had been living with my grandmother. Jack was a traveler though, and he moved his way across Europe during the years I had known him so I never saw very much of him. We kept in touch through letters. While I was stuck in London, in my grandmothers estate, Jack was out exploring. I lived through the words he wrote as he told me about drawing in Paris or the festivals in Spain, wishing I could be so adventurous. I kept every letter.

On the rare occasion that Jack visited London, we spent every waking moment together catching up before he ran off to explore another part of Europe.

That's how the four years of our friendship thrived. Only a year ago did Fabrizio De Rossi meet Jack, and in turn met me. Jack had been spending time in Italy when he met Fabrizio and the two quickly became thick as thieves. Jack convinced Fabrizio to join him in London, where he introduced me to Fabrizio. That had been mere months ago. Together, we made plans to cross the sea back to America. For Fabrizio, it would be for the first time, but for me and Jack, we would be returning home.

"You are lucky you have the tickets Jack, else I'm afraid I would have boarded Titanic and left you two," I said lightly, smiling up at Jack. My irritation with their tardiness had melted away at the sight of my friends.

"Yes, well, Emily, about that," Jack said, suddenly looking uneasy, "We have a slight problem. Fabrizio had I have, well, misplaced our tickets."

My smile faltered as I tried to decipher Jack's expression, for he had always been one to tease. My eyes flickered to Fabrizio, who looked aghast that the blame had been put on him when clearly it was Jack's fault.

"Misplaced? Jack, you didn't!"

"It wasn't entirely my fault!" Jack protested, "You see, Fabrizio though that I had the tickets and I that that he had the tickets," he tried to explain.

"Jack!" I said, struggling to keep my voice even, "Those tickets cost a fortune and you _lost_ them! They were our only chance to America! How are we going to get home now?"

"Now, now Em," Jack said, using my old nickname, the nickname I both despised and adored, "Our Italian friend has a plan," Jack said and placed a hand on Fabrizio's shoulder. I turned to him.

"You see that bar over there, yes?" Fabrizio asked, pointing, "I overheard three Swedes talk of playing a game of poker before boarding the ship. If we can convince them of a game we can start the bid high. High enough so that they will only have their tickets left to place. If we win then we \ have our way back to America!" Fabrizio finished excitedly. It did nothing for my nerves.

"Fabrizio, you are terrible at poker," I said pointedly.

Fabrizio frowned dejectedly.

"_Niente da perdere, Emily_. We have nothing to loose," Fabrizio reminded me, rolling his words together like he did.

I looked between Jack and Fabrizio, "Fine," I sighed. Though I didn't have much faith in their plan, Fabrizio had a point.

"Fantastic!" Jack cried happily and we pooled their money. Neither of us had very much, but together it made for a fair amount to start a high bet. I handed my money over to Jack, as I had no idea how to play poker, and we made our way towards the bar.

Within an hour into the game, the tickets had been placed as bets and I felt as though I was going to be sick from suspense. I sat at the bar and watched the five men play, Fabrizio, Jack and the Swedes. Most of the patrons in the bar watched too as the game neared the end. I was clueless as to who had the upper hand. The Swedes kept a solid poker face, as did Jack. Fabrizio struggled though, and I watched him wince when he drew another card. In the distance, the whistle to Titanic blew, the final warning. I bit at my nails, a nervous habit that my grandmother had tried in vain to break.

"The moment of truth boys," Jack finally said, after drawing his last card, "Somebody's life's about to change. Olaf?"

One of the Swedes, Olaf, slapped down his cards.

"Nothing," Jack said with a pity shrug, turning to the other Swede, who also laid his cards down in defeat. My hope rose. We might actually stand a chance.

"Fabrizio?" Jack asked and Fabrizio laid down his cards, "_Niente_?"

"_Niente_," Fabrizio said bitterly in Italian, glancing at me. I gave him a half smile, trying to seem reassuring.

"Sven?" Jack asked, turning to the last Swede that had joined in the poker game. Looking fairly smug, he laid his cards down and Jack drew a sharp intake of breath, "Uh oh, two pair."

I felt my stomach knot and my hope dwindle. By the sounds of it, we had lost. I stood up and stepped closer to the table, ready to tell Jack off that this brilliant plan had failed, just as I had suspected.

"I'm sorry Fabrizio," Jack sighed, "but you won't be seeing your mother for a long time, and Emily say your goodbyes to your grandmother cause we're going to America!" Jack cried, throwing his cards onto the table and shouting triumphantly, "Full house boys!"

The bar erupted into cheers and Jack rose to his feet, reaching for the tickets, only to be stopped by Olaf. The Swede balled his fists, making to hit Jack in the face. Instead, he swung around and hit his companion, the one who had bet their tickets in a desperate attempt to get their money back. Jack laughed as Sven joined in, each yelling and chastening each other for their stupidity.

Fabrizio grabbed up the ticket and money, "It is _destino_!" he cried happily.

I couldn't contain myself. Fabrizio's plan had actually worked! We had won the game and I was going home!

"To America!" I shouted elatedly, flinging my arms around Fabrizio in the most unladylike fashion, "To my family!"

More cheers erupted and in all the excitement, Jack cupped my face in his rough hands and pulled me to him. He crushed his lips to mine in a wet kiss, completely forgetting himself.

"We're going home!" he grinned, releasing me and turning to embrace Fabrizio, "We're practically goddamn royalty!"

I felt my face flush with Jack's forwardness, embarrassed. I touched my fingers to my lips, feeling them tingle from his kiss. My stomach fluttered again but this time it had nothing to do with nerves. Suddenly, winning the tickets was not all that exciting. Rather, the kiss was now occupying my thoughts. Jack seemed to think nothing of it, however, and he went on congratulating himself and Fabrizio.

"I am going to America!" Fabrizio gloated.

"No mate," the bar tender spoke up, having watched the whole scene unfold in front of him. He pointed to the clock on the wall, "Titanic goes to America. In five minutes!"

"Shit!" Jack cried, suddenly looked alarmed.

In all the chaos, we had forgotten that Titanic was on a schedule and would not wait for us. Jack and Fabrizio shoved their winnings into their bags while I grabbed my suitcase, my face still hot.

"Farewell Southampton!" I called as I dashed out the door of the bar after Fabrizio.

"It's been grand!" I heard Jack call behind me.

I followed Fabrizio, Jack bringing up the rear as we sprinted towards the wharf where Titanic was anchored. We moved through the port, dodging pedestrians, horses, carriages and luggage. I gathered up my skirts to keep from tripping over them as we weaved through throngs of people. Titanic loomed over us, taunting us as we raced to catch our ship to America. We ran along the wharf, emerging at E Deck where third class passengers were being boarded.

"Wait! We're passengers!" Jack called to the officers, waving the tickets. The ramp had been detached from the ship and was retracting to the wharf. Despite this, Fabrizio and Jack and I ran up it, Jack offering the tickets to the officer.

"Have you been through inspection queue?" the officer asked.

"Of course!" Jack lied, "Besides, we don't have lice. We're all Americans," he said, indicating to me and Fabrizio.

The officer nodded and indicated for us to board. We jumped the gap between the ship and the ramp, still giddy from our win at poker. I was happy the officer didn't bother to check the tickets, or else some questions would have been raised regarding why my ticket had the name of a Swedish man. We then made our way onto the deck, turning down one corridor, then another.

"We're the luckiest sons of bitches in the world!" Jack said, nudging Fabrizio. I cleared my throat loudly behind Jack, who turned and grinned at me.

"I didn't forget you, Em darling," he said, "Though I do believe you weren't the one playing the poker round which decided our fate, now were you?"

I rolled my eyes but grinned. We finally made our way to the top deck at the back of the ship, after wandering through a maze of white hallways. Jack tossed down his things, climbing up on the railing, pretending to way goodbye like the rest of the passengers. Soon, Fabrizio and I joined him though we had no one to say our goodbyes to.

Titanic was the main attraction of the port, all eyes were on her. The other boats in the wharf didn't even compare to her grand scale. The mooring lines were detached from Titanic and the large ship was tugged from the Southampton port.

We were on our way.

With Southampton behind us, the passengers of Titanic made their way to their cabins to settle in. I gathered my things, as did Fabrizio and Jack and we moved down to E Deck. Jack and Fabrizio led me to my room, the room I would have had, had Jack not lost our original tickets.

"We'll take the rooms the Swede's had," Jack explained, setting down my suitcase, "We'll come find you once we've unpacked."

I nodded and waved them off, watching Jack and Fabrizio disappear down the corridor. I entered my cabin. It was a little cramped, but nice for third class accommodations. The walls were left white and barren, the beds covered with either dark grey or navy sheets. There were two bunks, four beds, a basin for washing up and a closet. I set my things down on the top bunk and started on my unpacking.

I hung my dresses in the closet, which, like the rest of the room was small. I didn't bring much with me. Clothes and money, though that had gone to our poker game, a few pictures of London, a stack of old letters and my journal.

I couldn't believe that I, Emily Cross, was aboard the Ship of Dreams. I had always been envious of the adventures Jack wrote me in his letters, but now, I was part of my own adventure. I couldn't have been happier.

My grandmother didn't want me to go to America. She concocted every possible excuse to try and keep me in London; I had needed more schooling, in her old age she needed me to take care of her, it would be frowned upon crossing the ocean with two men, the tickets were too expensive and the list went on. I insisted that, at eighteen, it was time I returned to America with my father. She never gave me a firm yes, but she and I both knew that once I had my mind set on something, there was no deterring me.

I woke early in the morning and wrote my grandmother a letter, leaving it in the kitchen. I told her that I had made a decision and I was leaving with Jack and Fabrizio. I told her that there was really nothing she could say to keep me in London and that I would write to her when Titanic docked in America. I slipped out of the house before she even woke.

That's how I ended up in Southampton and later aboard the Titanic.

I had a feeling my grandmother would post a letter to my father as soon as she read my note. She'd probably convince him to send me back to London. Try as they might, I wouldn't go. I had been away from home long enough.

A while later there was a knock at the door and a young woman entered. I guess she was one of my roommates. She took the bunk below me. She was a petit girl, with hazel eyes and fair blonde hair. She seemed very nice but didn't speak any English. She was Norwegian, I think, though I couldn't be sure. I tried to question her about her excursion to America, but it was not going well.

"Are you traveling alone?" I asked loudly, as if our language barrier affected her hearing. I cleared my throat, slightly embarrassed.

She looked at me puzzled before saying, "_Tilgivelse? Tilgi meg, men jeg snakker ikke engelsk_."

"My name is Emily Cross," I said slowly, pointing to myself, "And you?" I pointed to her.

"_Ah!_" the woman exclaimed and pointed to herself, "Helga Dahl."

We smiled at each other, triumphant in conquering the language barrier. Though it was only our names, it was good enough for me. It wasn't long before another knock came to the door. Jack and Fabrizio came for me just as promised.

"Come Emily! We have to show you Titanic! It is _emozionante!" _Fabrizio said as I opened the door. His gaze sliding past me and into the room. His smiled suddenly widened, a blush making its way to his cheeks. I looked over my shoulder to see what he was looking at. It was Helga Dahl, who was also looking over at Fabrizio with the same, timid expression. I laughed gently and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind me. It seemed this was not the first time the two had passed each other.

I felt myself grinning, "Lead the way my good men," I teased.

"Follow us," Jack replied.

We explored the labyrinth that was Titanic. It had everything. There was a library, which I vowed to look over in detail later, dining rooms, bars, general rooms, barber stations and a gymnasium. I was impressed to say the least. Somehow we managed to find our way back up to promenade deck. Jack sat on one of the wooden lounge chairs while Fabrizio and I took the bench. Fabrizio was telling me about Italy and his family there. As he spoke, I stole a glance at Jack out of the corner of my eye. He was scribbling away furiously at the sketchpad, his hands moving over the paper with sure strokes.

Suddenly reminded of his brash kiss, I blushed. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

_Jack, teasing, artistic Jack, damn you. Damn you and damn the emotions that make me love you so, _I thought.

I hadn't always felt that way. In fact, when Jack and I first met, I loathed him. He had always made fun of me and my awkwardness. I had been a gangly fifteen year old with a little nose and big doe eyes. We eventually grew out of badgering each other and when Jack came back to London those few months ago with Fabrizio in tow, I had seen a change in him. He was older, more mature. Still playful as ever, but in a less obnoxious way. I had grown to like the new Jack, a lot.

Jack looked up from his paper at me and grinned wickedly, catching me watching him. He pointed to Fabrizio, indicating to me that I needed to turn my head back to its previous position. I stuck my tongue out at him before doing as I was told. Had grandmother seen my behavior today, she would have had a fit over how unladylike I was. I stole another look to see Jack bent over the paper, drawing me and Fabrizio. I smiled again and looked back at Fabrizio, nodding as he talked about the orchard that he helped his father and brothers raise.

"In the spring the house would smell like oranges," Fabrizio explained, "and the oranges that were not good to sell, we would use as baseballs and see who could hit them the farthest from the orchard."

"Sounds lovely," I commented, "Are you going to miss your family Fabrizio?"

"Yes Emily, I will, but I when I get to America, I will work hard and earn enough money to send for my _fratelli_, my _madre_ and my _padre_."

"That's very kind of you Fabrizio," I said.

We lapsed into a moment of silence before Jack spoke up.

"It's hard to believe your grandmother let you board Titanic. She was bend on you not coming."

I gave a chastened smile, "Not exactly," I replied, "I left a note early this morning and snuck out before she was awake."

Jack raised his eyebrows, though I wasn't sure why. He, of all people, should have known that that was a typical Emily Cross move. Fabrizio, on the other hand, chuckled at my boorish actions.

"Tsk tsk," Jack clicked his tongue at me disapprovingly, "What will your grandmother think of little Emily running away onto the Ship of Dreams with her best friend and an Italian whose practically a stranger?"

I laughed, "I've not doubt I've put her in the hospital from all the shame I brought on the family."

We dissolved into ridiculous laughter once again.

Titanic docked in Cherbourg, France to pick up more passengers later that day. After that, she took off on her maiden voyage. With one stop in Ireland the next morning, Titanic would be headed to America.

Jack, Fabrizio and I made our way to the bow of the ship once she was off again. They jogged ahead of me, taking hold of the cables that were attached to the bow, and looked out. Jack offered his hand and helped me mount the front of the ship. The sight took my breath away. It was nothing but ocean in front of us, as far as the eye could see. I could see the curve of the world from my position. The wind whipped at my dress and hair, pulling it free from its pins and the air was thick with salt when I breathed in.

"I can see the Statue of Liberty already!" Fabrizio's voice pulled me from my thoughts, "It is very small of course."

Jack and I laughed.

"Look!" Jack shouted excitedly, tugging Fabrizio's sleeve. I looked where he was pointing, down, and saw what he was looking at.

"Dolphins!" I cried. I had never seen dolphins before and while the animals amused Jack and Fabrizio, I was absolutely frivolous at the sight of them.

"Look! They jump!"

I watched as the dolphins raced Titanic, jumping the surf that the ships bow created.

Jack mounted the railings, making himself taller.

"I'm king of the world!" Jack yelped, throwing his fists into the air. He crowed and laughed.

"Jack!" I hissed, glancing over my shoulder, "Get down from there! Someone is going to see you."

Jack looked down at me, pure joy lighting up his handsome features. He howled again and Fabrizio laughed, joining in. I shrugged my shoulders and threw my head back, adding to the chorus of happy crows.

I looked out as the sun slowly dipped below the horizon, bathing the ships wood in a deep red. I grinned to myself. I was aboard Titanic with the man who was quickly stealing my heart, a dear friend, and only a few days before I would see America and my father again. There was no doubt in my mind that Titanic was indeed the Ship of Dreams. Nothing could ruin the bliss of this adventure.

Or so I thought.


	2. Mystery Girl

**Mystery Girl**

* * *

**April 11th 1912**

**Queenstown, Ireland**

I woke up the next morning, tired and exhausted from all the excitement of the previous day. I stretched in my bunk before clambering down to freshen up in the wash basin. I noticed Helga's bed was empty, but neatly made. She must have woken up early and left with her parents, who were in the room adjacent from ours. I figured I would stop by the ships library before I met up with Jack and Fabrizio today, since I knew that both men would rather claw their eyes out than spend time among books.

Just as I was finishing up washing my face, a woman entered our room. She was thin, with frizzy red hair and a heavily freckled face. She carried few belongings with her. Two children entered after her, keeping close to the womans skirts. They were two young siblings, an older brother and younger sister. I assumed these strangers were my other roomates.

"Good morning miss," the woman said in a thick Irish brogue as she set her things down on the only available bunk left.

"Morning," I greeted.

I must have slept later than anticipated if Titanic was already docked in Ireland. I turned back to the basin, pinning my hair up. The woman went to unpacking her few belongings, the little boy helping his mother as best he could. After a few minutes of silence, the little girl spoke up.

"You have strange eyes," she said, bold as you please.

I had half a mind to tell the girl she had no room to talk, what with her mane of coppery red hair, but it was an innocent statement. My eyes were strange and often the butt of Jack's teasing, so I didn't mind terribly.

"Hush Immy!" the little girls mother scolded, and the girl nodded obediently with a quiet apology.

"It's quite alright," I said dismissively, finishing my hair and walking over to the little girl. I knelt down to her height asking, "What's you name?"

"Imogen Kelly, miss, and that's my brother Declan," she pointed to the little boy, who was sitting on the bed.

I smiled, "My name is Emily Cross, do you think we can be friends Imogen?"

Imogen seemed to consider this for a moment, before finally nodding.

I chuckled, "Great, I love making new friends."

I stood up and the woman made a quick introduction as well. Her name was Arlene Kelly and she was from northern Ireland, hoping to start over with a clean slate in America. I quickly told her my story then after that, I slipped out of the room and made my way up the decks to the library. There were only two on Titanic, one for the second class and another for first class. None for third class.

I entered the library. Everything was decorated in lavish wood and fine leather. Most everyone that was in the library was reading, save for a few who were playing cards or visiting in the corner. No one paid any mind to me, to absorbed in their books to notice a third class girl. My eyes immediately traveled to the books on the shelf. There was everything from Austen to Dickens and Hugo to Bronte. I pulled a few books of their shelves and flipped through them before finally settling on a leather bound copy of _Frankenstein. _

I approached the front desk where the list was posted. I had barley finished signing my name when the woman behind the desk looked up at me. I could feel her eyes on me, studying my appearance.

"Excuse me miss," she said, "but this library is for second class."

I glanced at the wiry woman and smiled, "Yes, I know."

The woman placed a hand on the list and slid it towards her saying, "Second class _only_."

My eyes narrowed. The woman looked at me steadily, holding her hand out for the book. We stared at each other, each waiting for the other to cave first. Finally, I sighed and handed over the book reluctantly.

The woman smiled and indicated to the exit.

I turned on my heel and left, being sure to let the large wood doors of the library slam after me. Fuming, I made my way up to the promenade decks.

_Pompous old wretch,_ I thought viciously.

All I wanted was a book but the posh were to concerned to share their literature with someone from third class. Typical upper class behavior, thinking that they were so above everyone. That's why I could never stand the inane tea parties and egotistical chatter that went on. As much as my grandmother pushed me to act like a lady and drilled me in the proper manners of a first class woman, I would not bend. It was all so _senseless _and I wanted no part of it.

I surfaced onto the top deck, the sun warming my skin and blinding me with its brightness. Using my hands to shield my eyes, I glanced around until I spotted Jack and Fabrizio at the far end of Titanic, then made my way towards them. Fabrizio was talking to a Irishman while Jack was seated on one of the deck benches. I smiled gently, my bad temperament melting away quickly at the sight of Jack. His brow was knitted in concentration as he glanced up at the people he was sketching. It was a young girl with a round face and curly hair. She stood on the railing near Jack, leaning against a man I assumed was her father, watching the seagulls over the water.

As I approached a crew member came around, walking a vary of dogs. I lingered back and listened to the men talk before joining in

"That's typical. First class dogs come down here to take a shite," the Irish grumbled, his voice thick with his accent.

I studied the Irishman. He was of medium height, with broad shoulders that had seen hard physical labor. He had light brown hair and a baby face. He wore a bowler hat on his head and had a joint between his teeth. Jack looked up from his sketches and chuckled.

"That's so we know where we rank in the scheme of things," Jack commented.

The Irish rolled his eyes, "Like we could forget," he said and took a long drag on his cigarette, "The names' Tommy Ryan," he added offering his hand.

"Jack Dawson and this is Fabrizio," Jack introduced, shaking Tommys hand. Fabrizio nodded his head.

"Do you make any money with your drawings?" Tommy asked, indicating to Jacks portrait.

Jack never answered. I spotted him staring at something. Following his gaze, I spotted his target. It wasn't a something but rather a someone. A very pretty someone. She was on the first class deck, with a fine dress on and a head of red hair. She was the epitome of grace and perfection, standing there tall with the sun on her face. Despite her picturesque appearance though, she wasn't smiling. In fact, she looked rather lonely and sad. I quietly wondered why someone could look so depressed while being on the Ship of Dreams.

Feeling eyes on her, the girl glanced down our direction, meeting Jack's gaze.

I looked at him to see if he would look away, but Jack only stared at her shamelessly. The girl averted her eyes quickly, only to look back a few seconds later.

Fabrizio chuckled, waving his hand in front of Jack's face. Jack didn't so much as blink. He only watched her, transfixed, like they were the only two souls aboard Titanic.

_Has he ever looked at me that way?_ I thought silently, _With that same awe and endearment on his face?_

Something in the back of my mind told me he hadn't.

Then again, there was the kiss the day before. I absentmindedly put my fingers to my lips, as if I'd still be able to feel Jack's mouth on mine.

Tommy laughed, bringing me from my thoughts.

"Forget it boyo. You'd as like have angels fly out of your arse as to get next to the likes of her," he said.

Jack made no reply, only continued staring.

I looked back at the girl, spotting a man come up behind her. He was to young to be her father, so I guessed it was a relative or spouse. He grabbed her arm and the girl jerked it out of his grasp. They were arguing about something but we were to far away to hear. Finally, they left the deck, disappearing into the depths of Titanic. I looked at Jack, who gazed longingly at the spot where she had stood.

I decided to step forwards.

"To answer your question," I directed to Tommy, "He does make money off the drawings. He's very good to."

All the men looked my direction but said nothing. I suddenly felt that they were comparing my plainness to the mystery girls beauty. I cleared my throat awkwardly. Fabrizio grinned at me and Jack finally tore his eyes away from where the girl had been standing. Tommy whipped off his hat, looking a little abashed, but I wasn't sure why.

Jack's face broke out in a grin, and I relaxed some, forgetting about the beautiful girl and finding myself surrounded by friends once again.

"Emily Cross," I introduced.

"Thomas Ryan, but everyone calls me Tommy," Tommy replied, replacing his hat.

I nodded, "So I heard."

Turning to Jack I noticed he looked a little flustered and dumbfounded after watching the girl. I couldn't exactly blame him, she was very stunning. Though I hated to admit it.

I smirked, "Something catch your eye Jack?"

This amused Fabrizio and he roared with laughter, slapping his knee. I smiled and Jack looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Perhaps," was all he said and flipped open to his sketching, "Where were you this morning? You missed breakfast."

"Library," I replied, taking a seat on the other side of Fabrizio.

"You have no book," Jack pointed out.

"Yes, thank you Jack," I said, a little snappishly. I still wasn't happy about my experience at the library.

Jack looked up at me, waiting for me to elaborate.

I sighed, "They only let first and second class take books. No one from third class is allowed in the library."

"It is because no one from third class can a read," Fabrizio chimed in.

I sighed again. Fabrizio and Jack wouldn't understand. Fabrizio didn't read and never cared to learn. I think the only time Jack read was when he was reading my letters. They didn't get that books created an escape. It was like visiting another world for me. It was comforting and stimulating. Writing was the same. I could put words down on paper that I couldn't say normally. Things that occupied my mind, things I wanted to change, things I wanted to desperately to say but couldn't.

"You can read?"

I had almost forgotten that Tommy was with us until the Irish spoke again.

"Yes, my grandmother taught me," I said, "Why? Do you?"

Tommy rolled the cigarette between his teeth before answering, "I don't," then added as a second thought, "But I would like to."

I nodded, "You should."

Fabrizio spoke up next, "Your roommate, she is nice, no?" he asked, changing the subject.

It took me a moment before realized he was talking about Helga. I grinned.

"Fabrizio you don't happen to fancy Miss Dahl, do you?" I asked teasingly.

Jack, looking up from his sketching began laughing, "Does he! Fabrizio saw Miss Dahl at breakfast this morning and could barley keep his food on his fork."

Fabrizio's blush was visible even though his dark skin, both angry and embarrassed. He did what he always did when he was upset or nervous. He began talking in Italian.

_"Il tuo unico a parlare, eh? E potrei continuare il mio cibo sulla mia forchetta!"_

"Fabrizio! Fabrizio, my friend!" Jack interrupted until Fabrizio stopped long enough for him to get a word in, "How many times have I told you? I don't understand you when you speak Italian."

This only upset Fabrizio further, who once again started rambling off in Italian. Jack began laughing at his friends expense, Tommy along with him. Eventually I joined in but Fabrizio was having no part of our teasing. He sat back with crossed arms, mumbling something about abandoning us once he got to America.

"Fabrizio," I said, trying to lighten his mood, "Please don't be cross with us, it was only a bit of light joking. You know how Jack can't help but tease," I said, shooting Jack a look. He only shrugged like he wasn't the one to blame.

"I could introduce you to Miss Dahl, if you'd like," I tried.

This seemed to work. Fabrizio agreed and his usual sweet innocence returned to him. We remained on Titanic's deck for the rest of the afternoon. Jack secluded himself in drawing portraits of various people on the deck as well. Fabrizio and Tommy talked over their plans for when Titanic docked in America and I was left to my own devices.

* * *

I had just finished brushing out my hair when there was a knock at our door. Declan and Imogen Kelly were fast asleep in their beds, while Arlene stitched some clothing before turning in. Helga had been on her bed reading and was the first to reach the door.

_"Emily er din venn! Han har kommet til dere veldig sent!" _Helga exclaimed quietly so as not to wake the children. I couldn't understand anything she said.

"For me?" I asked, pointing to the door then myself. Helga nodded with a smile on her face before picking up her book again.

I went to the door, opening it wider to find Jack standing there. He grinned at me, his blonde hair falling into his eyes like it had a tendency to do. I felt my heart flutter at the sight of him and my brain empty of anything witty or coherent to say.

"Jack!" I hissed, "What are you doing here? Do you know what time it is?"

Jack smirked, his eyes bright with mischief, "Honestly Em, it's not that late. I wanted to show you something."

I was acutely aware that Arlene had stopped her sewing and Helga was watching us curiously from behind her book. I stepped out into the hall, closing the door behind me for some privacy. The chilly night air nipped at my nose, turning it pink.

"Okay, what is it Jack?" I asked.

Jack's smile grew, "Come with me," he said and took my hand in his.

My breath caught as my fingers wrapped around his. I could feel a shiver that started in my fingertips and ran up my arm until it filled my whole body. It was a delightful feeling, one I didn't want to end.

Despite the cold air and the temptation to slid back into my room where it was warmer, the thrill of being alone with Jack was to great a pull. I followed him down the hallways and corridors, up the stairs until we reached the deck. It was eerily silent on the deck, save for the sound of Titanic cutting through the water and the nightly wind. Unlike the deck just a few hours before, not a soul walked along it now.

The breeze picked up, making me shiver.

"You brought me up here to see the promenade?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Look up."

I did as I was told and found myself gasping. I had seen stars before but never like this. There were millions out, each twinkling against the black fabric of the night sky. They winked down at us, so vast and endless.

"They're beautiful," I muttered.

"I thought so," Jack said and inhaled deeply, "I also thought you would appreciate them a little more than if I brought Fabrizio up here," Jack added and chuckled at his own joke.

I looked at him a smiled, "I did not think Jack Dawson was capable of such sentimental feeling," I taunted.

Jack only laughed softly at this and indicated to the bench. I took a seat, Jack sitting down next to me and pulling out a cigarette from his coat pocket. He lit it up, taking a few smokes. We sat for a while gazing at the stars.

"Do you remember when we first met?" Jack asked.

I couldn't help myself but laugh, "Like it was yesterday Jack. My grandmother and I were at the market and you were doing portraits in the square. I had been badgering her about attending a croquet match that I was dreading. She must have been at her wits ends with me because she was willing to do anything to get rid of me."

"Yes, I remember you coming over. You had a large scowl on your face and refused to sit still for me. It was like you were trying to make it painful for both of us," Jack added.

"I remember glaring at my grandmother while she finished, bitter with her for making me sit there. It didn't take long before you were done though. You asked me if I thought it captured my "natural beauty" and turned the paper towards me. Do you remember what you drew a picture of?"

"A fish."

"A fish! Not just any fish, but the beastliest fish I had ever seen. With huge eyes and a frown to match. So I did what any other fifteen year old girl would have done. I hit you in the nose as hard as I could and made you bleed."

Jack and I dissolved into laughter at the memory. Once we regained composure, I sighed.

"Everyday after that we did everything we could to irritate the other," I said, looking up at the stars again, "We've built a friendship on a rocky foundation but somehow we managed. Then you told me that you were leaving. I was afraid I would never see you again but we decided that we would keep in touch with the letters."

Jack sighed and laid back on the bench so he was facing the night sky, "Has is only been three years we have known each other?" he asked.

"I'm afraid so," I replied, watching him blow out the smoke from the cigarette.

"It feels like a lifetime," Jack muttered.

I watched Jack watching the night sky. A sound behind us made me look over my shoulder. A woman was running our direction, looking very distraught. Her breathing caught as she tried suppressing heavy sobs. She passed behind our wooden bench an I recognized her as the girl from earlier today, the one Jack had been staring at. She flung herself at the railing, pausing to catch her breath. Jack sat up curiously.

I looked at him but he only had eyes for the girl. We both stood up but made no movement towards her.

The girl looked up, her breathing labored. With shaking hands she grabbed the railing, climbing up each rung slowly until she straddled it. Her hands were shaking

I gasped, "Jack," I said quietly, "I think she's going to try and jump! Do something!"

Jack seemed taken aback. He glanced around the deck for some sort of inspiration. I was completely stupefied; I'd never been put in a situation like this.

"Okay," Jack said, taking charge, "Go find a crew member and get help, I'll stay here with her."

I nodded as the woman turned around on the other side of the railing, facing the water. She leaned out dangerously, as if testing herself. We were quickly running out of time. I turned to find help, hearing Jack say:

"Don't do it."


	3. Misunderstandings

**Princess Among Paupers **

* * *

**April 12th 1912**

**Early Morning**

I woke up the next morning to Imogen staring me in the face. Startled, I sat up quickly, smacking my forehead on the low celling.

"Blast," I hissed, rubbing my head and gritting my teeth.

Imogen raised her eyebrow.

"Sorry Immy," I sighed, "How did you sleep?"

"Good, I heard you come in last night," Imogen said, fixing her dress so it laid across her lap straighter.

"I'm sorry to have woken you," I replied.

Imogen grinned, her round, freckled cheeks turning pink, "I heard you and my mommy talking last night too."

"Oh?" I said suspiciously as Imogen got a playfully wicked look on her face, "Eavesdropping were you? Do you know what Titanic crew members do to little girls who eavesdrop?" I asked and Imogen shook her head, "They keel haul you!" I said, tickling her sides. Imogen screeched with laughter, making me laugh too. She finally crawled down from my bunk, allowing me to get ready.

"Where's Helga?" I asked Arlene, noticing her bunk empty once again.

"Left with her parents early in the morning," Arlene replied, helping get Declan dressed. Did Helga ever leave her parents side?

I tried to pin up my hair. It was being especially frustrating today, the fair strands refusing to stay in the pins.

Just as I finished getting dressed, a knock came to our door. Imogen ran to it, standing on her tiptoes to turn the knob on the door and opened it. Jack stood in the doorway, Fabrizio behind him.

"Emily! It's the handsome man!" Imogen announced happily.

I felt my face flush and Jack grinned, very flattered and no doubt pleased with himself for being so very handsome. Arlene quickly shushed Imogen, who ran to her mothers side in giggles.

"You look well," Jack said lightly, his sketches tucked underneath his arm.

I rolled my eyes, "Yes, I had a wonderful nights rest," I said sarcastically, self consciously tucking a lock of hair behind my ear.

I looked over at Fabrizio who was gazing around the room hopefully. I think he was searching for a certain Norwegian woman.

"Helga has already left, sorry Fabrizio," I said.

Fabrizio shrugged, like it was nothing, though I saw the little pang of sadness in his eyes.

I left the room and we made our way up to C Deck, where the third class general room was. A haze of smoke settled over the room when we descended the stairs. I gazed around. There were women talking on the benches and some sewing in the corner. The men smoked and talked, occasionally laughing to loudly. A few of the kids were chasing around rats, trying to catch them before they disappeared into their holes. In the corner of the room, a man was playing the piano. It was loud, noisy and boisterous, just what I expected of steerage.

Near the back corner of the room, I spotted a familiar face. I smiled and took Fabrizio by the hand.

"Where are we going?" Fabrizio asked quizzically.

"Just follow me," I replied and led Fabrizio, weaving between passengers.

I finally stopped at the bench, where Helga was sitting, sewing. She looked up as I approached and smiled. Noticing Fabrizio just behind me, I saw her blush then look down quickly. Fabrizio looked down at his feet as well, blushing furiously. I had hoped that when they saw each other, they would, at the very least, say a polite hello. Nothing passed between them though, just curious glances and shy smiles.

"Helga," I said smiling, "This is Fabrizio De Rossi."

I pointed to Fabrizio.

"Fabrizio," I continued, "I would like you to meet my roommate, Helga Dahl."

I indicated to Helga.

I stepped aside and watched Fabrizio take a seat next to Helga. They immediately striked up a conversation. Fabrizio spoke in broken English and Helga spoke only Norwegian, but they managed by speaking with their hands and reading each others lips. I couldn't help but smile at their sweet innocence. Despite the language barrier, they said everything that needed to be said.

I walked back over to Jack, who was watching me curiously. He was leaned up against on of the wooden pillars, arms crossed.

"Playing match maker, are you?" Jack asked.

I smiled, looking back over my shoulder at Fabrizio and Helga.

"It's a good match," I commented, "Don't you agree?"

Jack chuckled, "Let's take a seat," he said, without answering my question. We sat on the other side of the bench, near enough to Fabrizio and Helga to hear what they were talking about but far enough away to give them some privacy.

They looked happy. The chemistry between them was undeniable.

Jack flipped open his sketches to a new blank sheet of paper and began sketching. I watched him, his brow furrowing in concentration.

How could Helga and Fabrizio, two complete strangers from two completely different parts of the world, communicate with subtle affection and I can't even tell Jack, who I've known for three years, how I feel about him? I could pack up and board Titanic, leave London for America, all on only a whim and yet I couldn't find the courage to face my true feelings. I felt frustrated with myself. I was spirited and fiery and was know to be bold.

"Much to wild a heart to find a suitable husband," As my grandmother would say.

_So why was this so hard? Why was it so hard to sit quietly, watching the man I loved go on through life not knowing how I felt? _

It was completely unlike me.

All I had to do was say a few simple words, just three words, and yet those three words scared me to silence.

I looked back at Jack, who was now talking to a little brown haired girl.

"Do you want to see it?" Jack asked, offering his leather bound sketch papers. The little girl nodded, her brown curls bouncing around her face as she did so. I recognized her from day before, when we were on the deck; where Jack had very first laid eyes on Rose. He had been drawing the little girl and her father watching the seagulls.

Jack flipped open to the drawing of the little girl and her father, showing her.

"That's me!" she said happily, pointing.

Jack chuckled, "Of course it is. Do you like the drawing?"

The girl nodded.

Jack let out his breath exaggeratedly, whipping his hand across his forehead, pretending that he had been anticipating the little girls answer, "Thank goodness, I was worried you wouldn't like it."

The little girl giggled.

"What's your name?" Jack asked.

"Cora Cartmell," the girl said, giving a polite curtsy.

Jack grinned, standing up, "Very pleased to make your acquaintance Miss Cartmell," he said with an extravagant bow and a flourish of his hand, "My name is Jack Dawson."

It was a little excessive for my taste, but Cora seemed thrilled by it. She giggled, obviously taken by Jack. Jack took a seat and Cora climbed up as well, situating herself between me and Jack. Looking over her brown head, Jack smiled at me.

"I'm here with my parents," Cora explained, pointing, "They're over there."

"I'm here with my friends," Jack replied, indicating to me, "That's my friend, Emily Cross. Don't worry she doesn't alway look so scary. It's just been a bad day."

My jaw dropped. If Cora hadn't been sitting right next to me, I would have had a few choice curse words to throw Jack's direction. He only glanced at me again, flashing me and irksome smile.

"You are good at drawing," Cora commented, looking again at the picture of her and her father.

"Thank you Cora," Jack said, flipping over to a blank sheet. He handed Cora a bit of charcoal, "Wan't to help me draw another picture?"

Cora nodded and the two began drawing contently.

I could feel a pair of eyes on me. I looked up, glancing around the room, when my gaze settled on a light haired Irishman with a cigarette in his mouth. It was Tommy Ryan, the man who we met the other day. He grinned at me when I caught his eye. I nodded to him, who nodded back politely, before excusing himself from the conversation he was having with another gentleman.

He walked over, taking his cigarette between his two fingers. Jack looked up and when he saw Tommy. He grinned.

"Morning Tommy," Jack said.

"Morning Jackie, Emily," he greeted, looking at me.

"Hello Tommy," I said and smiled.

Tommy grabbed a seat and pulled it over to us, sitting, "What are you lot up to?"

"Making new friends," I replied, glancing down at Cora. She looked up at me before going back to sketching with Jack.

Tommy smiled, watching Cora and Jack, soon noticing a stack of portraits on the bench next to us. He grabbed them up, shuffling through the papers before he realized that they were portraits of passengers.

"Interesting," he murmured, looking around and comparing the drawings to the real life.

I glance over at Fabrizio and Helga to see them both talking and smiling. I caught a bit of their conversation.

"No Italian? Some, little English?" Fabrizio was saying.

Helga laughed and shook her head, "No, no. _Norwegian_."

I turned back to Tommy, who was now comparing a drawing of an older man with a thick beard. He turned to the next portrait then looked right at me. I felt my cheeks grow warm, figuring he must have found a drawing of me in Jack's stack of sketches. I looked away, not enjoying the sudden attention.

"You're very good," Tommy finally said, nodding his head in approval, "Very, very good."

Jack, who was still drawing with Cora, took a while to answer, "Thanks."

"Cora," said a deep male voice. It was Cora's father, walking with his wife, "It's time to go now, say your goodbyes."

Cora jumped down from the bench and took her fathers outstretched hand, "Goodbye!" She said over her shoulder.

"Bye," Jack called. I smiled and waved to her as she disappeared into the crowd with her parents.

"How long have you been drawing?" Tommy asked, once Cora had left. He handed Jack back his sketches.

"Long time," Jack replied, "Eight years or so."

"Aye, I can tell," Tommy mused, "You have a very practiced hand."

"Thanks," Jack said again.

I could now hear Fabrizio and Helga teaching each other how to pronounce the others name. I looked at them again, smiling to myself. Suddenly, something caught Helga's eye and she looked towards the stairs of the general room. She touched Fabrizio lightly, then pointed. I followed her gaze.

It was Rose. She was standing at the top of the stairs wearily, the morning sun behind her created a gold halo. She entered the general room and one by one voices fell quiet and all eyes turned to her. I, like everyone else, could not help but stare. She was a princess among paupers.

I couldn't tell how, or why, she would want to come down to third class but she came anyways. She glanced around before looking directly at Jack, making her way over to us. Tommy, Fabrizio and Helga were all speechless in her presence. Jack stood up quickly, a few of his portraits falling to the floor. He didn't even bother to pick them up. It was like he was mesmerized, for the real Jack treasured his sketches and wouldn't have left them lying there.

"Hello Mr. Dawson," Rose said, very formally and very aware that all the attention in the general room was focused on her.

"Hello again," Jack replied gently, tenderly.

"My I have a word with you?" Rose asked.

"Yes, of course," Jack replied and stood there, waiting for her to speak.

Rose glanced around, smiling nervously before saying softly, "Alone?"

I looked at Tommy, who snickered behind his hand.

"Oh, right. Of course," Jack said, shaking his head and blushing. I almost couldn't believe my eyes. Jack never blushed, ever. He gathered up his drawings hastily and began following Rose out the door, not before he gave Tommy a hard smack on the shoulder for laughing though.

Just like that, Jack was off following Rose, without so much as a goodbye to me.

Tommy looked at Fabrizio, who looked at Rose then back at Tommy, who looked back at Rose before both they both began laughing at the absurdity of the whole situation. Tommy shook his head and Helga smiled. I seemed to be the only one not amused by Rose entering third class.

_Where had Quartermaster Rowe been when she decided to enter a deck that wasn't hers?_ I thought sarcastically, crossing my arms.

"I need to have Jackie teach me that angels and arses trick, eh?" Tommy asked and Fabrizio laughed, "How did that happen?"

"Jack saved her life last night," I blurted out before I could stop myself. Three pairs of eyes turned on me curiously, expecting the story. I sighed and recounted the details of the previous night, being sure to leave out my humiliating details.

Tommy, Helga and Fabrizio laughed again. It seemed Jack had all the luck, saving the life of a pretty first class woman then being invited to dine with her as a reward.

I saw no humor in any of it.

Sensing my bitterness, Tommy leaned over to me, "Now what's got you all upset Emily?" he asked.

"Nothing," I replied and for added measure, I gave him a quick smile, "Will you excuse me?" I said, grabbing the few pieces of paper that had fallen from Jack's lap. I tucked them away, and stood up, taking the stairs two at a time to the deck.

I blinked away the bright sunlight, looking around. I spotted Rose's curly head of red hair just before she disappeared down another part of the deck. Keeping far enough away just to hear what she was saying, I followed her and Jack.

"Look, I know what you must be thinking," Rose was saying, "Poor little rich girl! What does she know about misery?"

"No, that's not at all what I was thinking. What I was thinking was...what could have happened to hurt this girl so much she though she had no way out?" Jack replied.

They got too far ahead of me for me to hear anything more. I lingered back, hoping not to get caught. There weren't exactly a lot of places to keep hidden on the deck.

"Sneaking around are you?" said a husky Irish voice from behind me. I jumped, heart racing, and spun around quickly to find Tommy standing behind me, grinning. I blushed furiously, angry at being caught and angry that Tommy had followed me.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed, grabbing hold of Tommy's shirt and dragging him behind one of the lifeboats so we wouldn't be seen.

"I might ask you the same thing," Tommy replied, chuckling at my expense.

I glared, "For your information I was returning Jack's portraits to him," I said haughtily.

"Sure you were," Tommy said, moving his cigarette to the other side of his mouth, smirking.

"I was," I insisted.

Tommy just glanced around the side of the lifeboat at Jack and Rose, "So what are we listening for?" he asked.

"_We_ are not listening for anything," I replied, turning so see if Jack and Rose had moved yet, "Now hush."

Tommy chuckled softly behind me, moving closer to get a better look. He stood close, close enough for me to smell the tobacco wafting off his body. I tried to ignore his presence as Jack began talking.

"Do you love him?" He asked and I assumed he was talking about Cal.

"Pardon me?"

"Do you love him?" Jack repeated.

Rose seemed taken aback, "You're being very rude, you shouldn't be asking me this."

"Well it's a simple question, do you love the man or not?"

Rose laughed nervously, "This is not a suitable conversation," she said trying to change the subject. She began walking off, heading mine and Tommy's direction.

"Shite!" Tommy hissed and we tucked ourselves behind the lifeboat tighter. Thankfully, Rose didn't get far.

"This is absurd!" She cried, "I don't know you and you don't know me! We are not having this conversation! You are rude and presumptuous and I am leaving now. Jack, Mr. Dawson, it's been a pleasure. I sought you out to thank you and now I have."

"And you've insulted me," Jack pointed out.

"Well you deserved it!" Rose rebutted.

"Right," Jack said.

"Right," Rose agreed and turned to leave, this time passing right by Tommy and I. We did not go unnoticed. Rose gasped loudly, taking a few startled steps back. Jack came to see what she was looking at, peering around the lifeboat. Tommy and I smiled at them guiltily.

"Emily!" Jack said, and I noticed his expression change. He was annoyed. When we were younger Jack always looked at me like that, but never now. It hurt, and I suddenly felt awful for sneaking around behind his back, "What are you doing?" he asked.

I fumbled for the drawings, my face falling, "I just wanted to give these back," I muttered, avoiding everyones eye, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

I handed over the portraits and Jack tucked them in with the rest. He, nor Rose, needed to say anything. Tommy and I were not welcome on the deck. Taking hold of Tommy's sleeve, I turned and started making my way below decks, Tommy in tow. My face was burning from embarrassment and I was feeling very chastised. Behind me, Rose spoke again, her voice still laced with the irritation from before.

"What is this stupid thing you carry around anyways? Are you an artist or something?" She said, snatching Jack's drawings from him.

The rest of the conversation was lost as Tommy and I moved further away from Jack and Rose.

"Well, that was a bust," Tommy commented, tossing his cigarette butt off the side of the ship and pulling out a new one. He was completely indifferent to getting caught. Of course, Jack didn't look at him with disappointment in his eyes, so why shouldn't he be?

I frowned, "I shouldn't have followed him, that was stupid," I mumbled.

"You're just angry because you were caught," Tommy said, trying to light the new cigarette with a match.

I glared at him, "Am not," I protested, though it was true.

"Hey, you two! You shouldn't be up here."

I looked over my shoulder as a Titanic crew member made his way towards us, striding over with long, purposeful steps.

Tommy waved his hand at the crew member who began herding us towards to the gates to third class, like cattle.

"Sod off, will you?" Tommy snapped, opening the gate for me. We slipped through, down the steps, the crew member making sure the gate was latched after us.

"Bleeding idiot," Tommy muttered.

I couldn't help but smile. For some reason, Tommy loosing his temper, made mine all the better. He looked at me, smiled back, and just like that our bad moods dispelled. We made our way back to the general room. Fabrizio and Helga were exactly where we left them, talking and smiling and laughing together. We sat down, talking back and forth. Tommy mostly asked me questions about growing up with my grandmother, my father in America and how long I had known Jack and Fabrizio.


	4. Princess Among Paupers

**Princess Among Paupers **

* * *

**April 12th 1912**

**Early Morning**

I woke up the next morning to Imogen staring me in the face. Startled, I sat up quickly, smacking my forehead on the low celling.

"Blast," I hissed, rubbing my head and gritting my teeth.

Imogen raised her eyebrow.

"Sorry Immy," I sighed, "How did you sleep?"

"Good, I heard you come in last night," Imogen said, fixing her dress so it laid across her lap straighter.

"I'm sorry to have woken you," I replied.

Imogen grinned, her round, freckled cheeks turning pink, "I heard you and my mommy talking last night too."

"Oh?" I said suspiciously as Imogen got a playfully wicked look on her face, "Eavesdropping were you? Do you know what Titanic crew members do to little girls who eavesdrop?" I asked and Imogen shook her head, "They keel haul you!" I said, tickling her sides. Imogen screeched with laughter, making me laugh too. She finally crawled down from my bunk, allowing me to get ready.

"Where's Helga?" I asked Arlene, noticing her bunk empty once again.

"Left with her parents early in the morning," Arlene replied, helping get Declan dressed. Did Helga ever leave her parents side?

I tried to pin up my hair. It was being especially frustrating today, the fair strands refusing to stay in the pins.

Just as I finished getting dressed, a knock came to our door. Imogen ran to it, standing on her tiptoes to turn the knob on the door and opened it. Jack stood in the doorway, Fabrizio behind him.

"Emily! It's the handsome man!" Imogen announced happily.

I felt my face flush and Jack grinned, very flattered and no doubt pleased with himself for being so very handsome. Arlene quickly shushed Imogen, who ran to her mothers side in giggles.

"You look well," Jack said lightly, his sketches tucked underneath his arm.

I rolled my eyes, "Yes, I had a wonderful nights rest," I said sarcastically, self consciously tucking a lock of hair behind my ear.

I looked over at Fabrizio who was gazing around the room hopefully. I think he was searching for a certain Norwegian woman.

"Helga has already left, sorry Fabrizio," I said.

Fabrizio shrugged, like it was nothing, though I saw the little pang of sadness in his eyes.

I left the room and we made our way up to C Deck, where the third class general room was. A haze of smoke settled over the room when we descended the stairs. I gazed around. There were women talking on the benches and some sewing in the corner. The men smoked and talked, occasionally laughing to loudly. A few of the kids were chasing around rats, trying to catch them before they disappeared into their holes. In the corner of the room, a man was playing the piano. It was loud, noisy and boisterous, just what I expected of steerage.

Near the back corner of the room, I spotted a familiar face. I smiled and took Fabrizio by the hand.

"Where are we going?" Fabrizio asked quizzically.

"Just follow me," I replied and led Fabrizio, weaving between passengers.

I finally stopped at the bench, where Helga was sitting, sewing. She looked up as I approached and smiled. Noticing Fabrizio just behind me, I saw her blush then look down quickly. Fabrizio looked down at his feet as well, blushing furiously. I had hoped that when they saw each other, they would, at the very least, say a polite hello. Nothing passed between them though, just curious glances and shy smiles.

"Helga," I said smiling, "This is Fabrizio De Rossi."

I pointed to Fabrizio.

"Fabrizio," I continued, "I would like you to meet my roommate, Helga Dahl."

I indicated to Helga.

I stepped aside and watched Fabrizio take a seat next to Helga. They immediately striked up a conversation. Fabrizio spoke in broken English and Helga spoke only Norwegian, but they managed by speaking with their hands and reading each others lips. I couldn't help but smile at their sweet innocence. Despite the language barrier, they said everything that needed to be said.

I walked back over to Jack, who was watching me curiously. He was leaned up against on of the wooden pillars, arms crossed.

"Playing match maker, are you?" Jack asked.

I smiled, looking back over my shoulder at Fabrizio and Helga.

"I good match," I commented, "Don't you agree?"

Jack chuckled, "Let's take a seat," he said, without answering my question. We sat on the other side of the bench, near enough to Fabrizio and Helga to hear what they were talking about but far enough away to give them some privacy.

They looked happy. The chemistry between them was undeniable.

Jack flipped open his sketches to a new blank sheet of paper and began sketching. I watched him, his brow furrowing in concentration.

How could Helga and Fabrizio, two complete strangers from two completely different parts of the world, communicate with subtle affection and I can't even tell Jack, who I've known for three years, how I feel about him? I could pack up and board Titanic, leave London for America, all on only a whim and yet I couldn't find the courage to face my true feelings. I felt frustrated with myself. I was spirited and fiery and was know to be bold.

"Much to wild a heart to find a suitable husband," As my grandmother would say.

_So why was this so hard? Why was it so hard to sit quietly, watching the man I loved go on through life not knowing how I felt? _

It was completely unlike me.

All I had to do was say a few simple words, just three words, and yet those three words scared me to silence.

I looked back at Jack, who was now talking to a little brown haired girl.

"Do you want to see it?" Jack asked, offering his leather bound sketch papers. The little girl nodded, her brown curls bouncing around her face as she did so. I recognized her from day before, when we were on the deck; where Jack had very first laid eyes on Rose. He had been drawing the little girl and her father watching the seagulls.

Jack flipped open to the drawing of the little girl and her father, showing her.

"That's me!" she said happily, pointing.

Jack chuckled, "Of course it is. Do you like the drawing?"

The girl nodded.

Jack let out his breath exaggeratedly, whipping his hand across his forehead, pretending that he had been anticipating the little girls answer, "Thank goodness, I was worried you wouldn't like it."

The little girl giggled.

"What's your name?" Jack asked.

"Cora Cartmell," the girl said, giving a polite curtsy.

Jack grinned, standing up, "Very pleased to make your acquaintance Miss Cartmell," he said with an extravagant bow and a flourish of his hand, "My name is Jack Dawson."

It was a little excessive for my taste, but Cora seemed thrilled by it. She giggled, obviously taken by Jack. Jack took a seat and Cora climbed up as well, situating herself between me and Jack. Looking over her brown head, Jack smiled at me.

"I'm here with my parents," Cora explained, pointing, "They're over there."

"I'm here with my friends," Jack replied, indicating to me, "That's my friend, Emily Cross. Don't worry she doesn't alway look so scary. It's just been a bad day."

My jaw dropped. If Cora hadn't been sitting right next to me, I would have had a few choice curse words to throw Jack's direction. He only glanced at me again, flashing me and irksome smile.

"You are good at drawing," Cora commented, looking again at the picture of her and her father.

"Thank you Cora," Jack said, flipping over to a blank sheet. He handed Cora a bit of charcoal, "Wan't to help me draw another picture?"

Cora nodded and the two began drawing contently.

I could feel a pair of eyes on me. I looked up, glancing around the room, when my gaze settled on a light haired Irishman with a cigarette in his mouth. It was Tommy Ryan, the man who we met the other day. He grinned at me when I caught his eye. I nodded to him, who nodded back politely, before excusing himself from the conversation he was having with another gentleman.

He walked over, taking his cigarette between his two fingers. Jack looked up and when he saw Tommy. He grinned.

"Morning Tommy," Jack said.

"Morning Jackie, Emily," he greeted, looking at me.

"Hello Tommy," I said and smiled.

Tommy grabbed a seat and pulled it over to us, sitting, "What are you lot up to?"

"Making new friends," I replied, glancing down at Cora. She looked up at me before going back to sketching with Jack.

Tommy smiled, watching Cora and Jack, soon noticing a stack of portraits on the bench next to us. He grabbed them up, shuffling through the papers before he realized that they were portraits of passengers.

"Interesting," he murmured, looking around and comparing the drawings to the real life.

I glance over at Fabrizio and Helga to see them both talking and smiling. I caught a bit of their conversation.

"No Italian? Some, little English?" Fabrizio was saying.

Helga laughed and shook her head, "No, no. _Norwegian_."

I turned back to Tommy, who was now comparing a drawing of an older man with a thick beard. He turned to the next portrait then looked right at me. I felt my cheeks grow warm, figuring he must have found a drawing of me in Jack's stack of sketches. I looked away, not enjoying the sudden attention.

"You're very good," Tommy finally said, nodding his head in approval, "Very, very good."

Jack, who was still drawing with Cora, took a while to answer, "Thanks."

"Cora," said a deep male voice. It was Cora's father, walking with his wife, "It's time to go now, say your goodbyes."

Cora jumped down from the bench and took her fathers outstretched hand, "Goodbye!" She said over her shoulder.

"Bye," Jack called. I smiled and waved to her as she disappeared into the crowd with her parents.

"How long have you been drawing?" Tommy asked, once Cora had left. He handed Jack back his sketches.

"Long time," Jack replied, "Eight years or so."

"I can tell," Tommy mused, "You have a very practiced hand."

"Thanks," Jack said again.

I could now hear Fabrizio and Helga teaching each other how to pronounce the others name. I looked at them again, smiling to myself. Suddenly, something caught Helga's eye and she looked towards the stairs of the general room. She touched Fabrizio lightly, then pointed. I followed her gaze.

It was Rose. She was standing at the top of the stairs wearily, the morning sun behind her created a gold halo. She entered the general room and one by one voices fell quiet and all eyes turned to her. I, like everyone else, could not help but stare. She was a princess among paupers.

I couldn't tell how, or why, she would want to come down to third class but she came anyways. She glanced around before looking directly at Jack, making her way over to us. Tommy, Fabrizio and Helga were all speechless in her presence. Jack stood up quickly, a few of his portraits falling to the floor. He didn't even bother to pick them up. It was like he was mesmerized, for the real Jack treasured his sketches and wouldn't have left them lying there.

"Hello Mr. Dawson," Rose said, very formally and very aware that all the attention in the general room was focused on her.

"Hello again," Jack replied gently, tenderly.

"My I have a word with you?" Rose asked.

"Yes, of course," Jack replied and stood there, waiting for her to speak.

Rose glanced around, smiling nervously before saying softly, "Alone?"

I looked at Tommy, who snickered behind his hand.

"Oh, right. Of course," Jack said, shaking his head and blushing. I almost couldn't believe my eyes. Jack never blushed, ever. He gathered up his drawings hastily and began following Rose out the door, not before he gave Tommy a hard smack on the shoulder for laughing though.

Just like that, Jack was off following Rose, without so much as a goodbye to me.

Tommy looked at Fabrizio, who looked at Rose then back at Tommy, who looked back at Rose before both they both began laughing at the absurdity of the whole situation. Tommy shook his head and Helga smiled. I seemed to be the only one not amused by Rose entering third class.

_Where had Quartermaster Rowe been when she decided to enter a deck that wasn't hers?_ I thought sarcastically, crossing my arms.

"I need to have Jackie teach me that angels and arses trick, eh?" Tommy asked and Fabrizio laughed, "How did that happen?"

"Jack saved her life last night," I blurted out before I could stop myself. Three pairs of eyes turned on me curiously, expecting the story. I sighed and recounted the details of the previous night, being sure to leave out my humiliating details.

Tommy, Helga and Fabrizio laughed again. It seemed Jack had all the luck, saving the life of a pretty first class woman then being invited to dine with her as a reward.

I saw no humor in any of it.

Sensing my bitterness, Tommy leaned over to me, "Now what's got you all upset Emily?" he asked.

"Nothing," I replied and for added measure, I gave him a quick smile, "Will you excuse me?" I said, grabbing the few pieces of paper that had fallen from Jack's lap. I tucked them away, and stood up, taking the stairs two at a time to the deck.

I blinked away the bright sunlight, looking around. I spotted Rose's curly head of red hair just before she disappeared down another part of the deck. Keeping far enough away just to hear what she was saying, I followed her and Jack.

"Look, I know what you must be thinking," Rose was saying, "Poor little rich girl! What does she know about misery?"

"No, that's not at all what I was thinking. What I was thinking was...what could have happened to hurt this girl so much she though she had no way out?" Jack replied.

They got too far ahead of me for me to hear anything more. I lingered back, hoping not to get caught. There weren't exactly a lot of places to keep hidden on the deck.

"Sneaking around are you?" said a husky Irish voice from behind me. I jumped, heart racing, and spun around quickly to find Tommy standing behind me, grinning. I blushed furiously, angry at being caught and angry that Tommy had followed me.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed, grabbing hold of Tommy's shirt and dragging him behind one of the lifeboats so we wouldn't be seen.

"I might ask you the same thing," Tommy replied, chuckling at my expense.

I glared, "For your information I was returning Jack's portraits to him," I said haughtily.

"Sure you were," Tommy said, moving his cigarette to the other side of his mouth, smirking.

"I was," I insisted.

Tommy just glanced around the side of the lifeboat at Jack and Rose, "So what are we listening for?" he asked.

"_We_ are not listening for anything," I replied, turning so see if Jack and Rose had moved yet, "Now hush."

Tommy chuckled softly behind me, moving closer to get a better look. He stood close, close enough for me to smell the tobacco wafting off his body. I tried to ignore his presence as Jack began talking.

"Do you love him?" He asked and I assumed he was talking about Cal.

"Pardon me?"

"Do you love him?" Jack repeated.

Rose seemed taken aback, "You're being very rude, you shouldn't be asking me this."

"Well it's a simple question, do you love the man or not?"

Rose laughed nervously, "This is not a suitable conversation," she said trying to change the subject. She began walking off, heading mine and Tommy's direction.

"Shite!" Tommy hissed and we tucked ourselves behind the lifeboat tighter. Thankfully, Rose didn't get far.

"This is absurd!" She cried, "I don't know you and you don't know me! We are not having this conversation! You are rude and presumptuous and I am leaving now. Jack, Mr. Dawson, it's been a pleasure. I sought you out to thank you and now I have."

"And you've insulted me," Jack pointed out.

"Well you deserved it!" Rose rebutted.

"Right," Jack said.

"Right," Rose agreed and turned to leave, this time passing right by Tommy and I. We did not go unnoticed. Rose gasped loudly, taking a few startled steps back. Jack came to see what she was looking at, peering around the lifeboat. Tommy and I smiled at them guiltily.

"Emily!" Jack said, and I noticed his expression change. He was annoyed. When we were younger Jack always looked at me like that, but never now. It hurt, and I suddenly felt awful for sneaking around behind his back, "What are you doing?" he asked.

I fumbled for the drawings, my face falling, "I just wanted to give these back," I muttered, avoiding everyones eye, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

I handed over the portraits and Jack tucked them in with the rest. He, nor Rose, needed to say anything. Tommy and I were not welcome on the deck. Taking hold of Tommy's sleeve, I turned and started making my way below decks, Tommy in tow. My face was burning from embarrassment and I was feeling very chastised. Behind me, Rose spoke again, her voice still laced with the irritation from before.

"What is this stupid thing you carry around anyways? Are you an artist or something?" She said, snatching Jack's drawings from him.

The rest of the conversation was lost as Tommy and I moved further away from Jack and Rose.

"Well, that was a bust," Tommy commented, tossing his cigarette butt off the side of the ship and pulling out a new one. He was completely indifferent to getting caught. Of course, Jack didn't look at him with disappointment in his eyes, so why shouldn't he be?

I frowned, "I shouldn't have followed him, that was stupid," I mumbled.

"You're just angry because you were caught," Tommy said, trying to light the new cigarette with a match.

I glared at him, "Am not," I protested, though it was true.

"Hey, you two! You shouldn't be up here."

I looked over my shoulder as a Titanic crew member made his way towards us, striding over with long, purposeful steps.

Tommy waved his hand at the crew member who began herding us towards to the gates to third class, like cattle.

"Sod off, will you?" Tommy snapped, opening the gate for me. We slipped through, down the steps, the crew member making sure the gate was latched after us.

"Bleeding idiot," Tommy muttered.

I couldn't help but smile. For some reason, Tommy loosing his temper, made mine all the better. He looked at me, smiled back, and just like that our bad moods dispelled. We made our way back to the general room. Fabrizio and Helga were exactly where we left them, talking and smiling and laughing together. We sat down, talking back and forth. Tommy mostly asked me questions about growing up with my grandmother, my father in America and how long I had known Jack and Fabrizio.


	5. Tea Cups and Gossip

**Tea Cups and Gossip**

* * *

**April 12th 1912**

**Evening **

I was sitting on my bunk, reading quietly when there was a knock at the door. Helga, Arlene and her children were gone, so I climbed down and opened the door. I didn't even recognize the man before me.

"Jack," I said, surprised, "What the hell did they do to you?" I asked, smirking.

Jack rolled his eyes, stepping into the room, opening his arms and presenting himself, "I wanted to see you before dinner tonight. What do you think? Could I pass for posh?"

Jack was dressed is a sleek black coat and a stiff shirt that had gold studs down the front. He had a neck tie on, and the shoes he wore were shinning and looked like they hadn't been used. His hair, which usually hung in his eyes, was slicked back out of his face. He smiled at me, beaming. He looked happier than I had ever seen him.

"You look..." I paused searching for the right words, "Perfect, Jack, you look perfect."

Jack's grin widened, "Thanks. After I talked with Rose she introduced me to her mother and some her her friends. A woman named Molly Brown lent me the clothes, she's going to be at the dinner tonight with Rose, Cal and everyone else," Jack replied, looking at the papers spread over my bed, "What were you doing?"

"Oh, just reading," I said, blushing slightly.

Jack noticed my blush "What were you reading?"

"Old letters," I said, "I kept all the ones you wrote me while you traveled."

Jack raised his eyebrows, laughing, "You did? I can't believe that."

"Well, believe it," I said, watching Jack fiddle with the clasps on his sleeve, "You look nervous," I commented, taking a seat on Helga's bunk.

"Nervous? I'm so frightened Em," Jack said, reaching up and tugging at his collar, "Rose, is everything. I wan't to impress her tonight, show her that I care about her. She's heavenly, the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on," Jack let out a loud sigh and set down next to me, rocking the mattress, "I can't stop thinking about her. I can see her everywhere; her red hair, her smell, her smile," Jack sighed again.

I looked away. I couldn't take it. I wanted to cover my ears and scream. Couldn't Jack see what he was doing to me? He was torturing me, talking about how he felt about Rose when I felt that same way about him. It was torment. Was he so blind that he couldn't see that I, Emily Cross his friend for years, was deeply, madly, and inevitably in love with him?

_Why can't you see it Jack? Why can't you see me?_

Jack was still talking, though I was trying hard not to listen.

"And when she laughs! It's like the sound of silver bells, Em, the sweetest sound I've ever heard. She's a lot like you, you know. Passionate though not quite as head strong and vivacious," Jack laughed.

He might as well had punched me in the stomach. _Don't Jack_, I thought, _Don't compare me to her._

"You're not...in love with her. Are you?" I asked, glancing at Jack.

Jack looked down at his hands, "I think I might be," he replied quietly.

I stood up and walked to the wash basin, bracing myself against the ceramic bowl.

"You think?" I asked, "Jack! You're known her two days. Not even that!"

Jack jumped to his feet, "I know it sounds crazy. I've never felt this way about anyone though."

I took a deep breath, then another one, trying to calm my self. This was all so backwards. Jack wasn't supposed to fall in love, at least not with some high society girl.

"Can you help me?"

"Help you with what?"

"You know, with good etiquette. That kind of stuff," Jack said, walking over to me, "You grandmother taught you that, right?"

I sighed, turning to him. He had an eager smile on his face; a student ready and willing to learn. It was the smile of a love struck man. I couldn't help but give him a weak smile back. I loved Jack and I wanted him to be happy, and if that meant helping him get Rose, then so be it. I would help him and Rose be together and in two days time, all of this would be behind us. Rose would run off with her fiancé when Titanic docked in America and Jack would be free to move on with his life.

"Okay, first off, you have to stand straight. No leaning against door frames or chairs or posts, understand? Don't cross your arms either," I instructed, racketing my brain and trying to remember what my grandmother had told me.

With each instruction, Jack did as he was told, straightening his spine, putting his hands by his sides and so on.

"Cal will most likely be escorting Rose's mother, out of respect, so you'll be escorting Rose," I explained and walked over to him, lifting Jacks arm and placing my hand in the crook of his elbow, "See? Simple," I said and stepped back, "Don't sit before the host or hostess, it's offensive. There will be more silverware than you can count and even more rules to abide by when using them. We don't have near enough time to go over that so just watch the other people at the dinner. Follow their lead," I said.

Jack smiled, "Thank you Em," he said, tugging at his collar again, messing up the neck tie.

I shook my head, reaching up to fix it, "Your welcome," I replied, straitening his tie and then I lifted his chin, "Keep that up," I instructed and smiled, "You don't need to worrying about impressing Rose and you don't need to be nervous, everyone that meets you is charmed by you, Jack. Rose is a lucky woman, who is obviously just as amorous about you as you are about her."

Jack looked at me, his bright eyes hopeful, "You think?"

"Of course," I replied, "She came down to third class to find you! And the way she looks at you, Jack, it's like you've brought new life to her."

It was the truth.

Jack smiled, "I better be going," he said gently, fixing his cuffs again, "Wish me luck."

I followed him to the door, "Good luck Jack," I said and watched him walk down the hall, fixing his hair and straitening his jacket some more.

I chewed my bottom lip, slipping back inside the cabin. I hoped, for his sake, that everything went well tonight.

I tried to go back to reading my letters, but my mind kept wandering to Jack and wondering how he was doing at the dinner. He was probably sitting around the table, at this time, gossiping with all the other guests. Helga slipped in the room moments later, saying goodnight to her parents. I tried asking her how she and Fabrizio got along, but she didn't understand a word I said. She did, however, grin every time I mentioned Fabrizio's name so I took that as a good sign.

An hour or so later, someone was knocking. I jumped down from my bunk and answered the door.

"Tommy? Fabrizio? What are you doing here?"

Both men were looking at me with very curiously.

"There is a party a downstairs," Fabrizio explained, "_Musica_ and beer and dancing. Come with us. _Ci sarà da divertirsi!_"

"They have one every night," I pointed out, "What makes this different?"

"It's an Irish party Emily," Tommy said, as if I would know what that meant. When he saw the blank look on my face, Tommy smirked, "Only the Irish know how to throw a real party."

I rolled my eyesand turned to Helga, "Want to join us Helga?" I asked.

She looked at me, puzzled, then said something in Norwegian.

I glanced around, trying to find some way to show her what we meant, "You know, a party," I said and held my hand out for Fabrizio. Quickly catching up on what I was trying to show her, Fabrizio took my hand in his, the other going to my waist. He spun me around the room in a few quick steps, turning in a tight circle because the little room only allowed us to move so far. Tommy watched from the door way, laughing.

Helga laughed along too, clapping her hands.

We stopped and I grinned, "Come with us," I said, taking Helga's hand.

Realizing what we were saying, Helga's eyes widdened and she shook her head, "No, no, no. _Jeg kan ikke mine foreldre er i neste rom_."

I glanced at Tommy and Fabrizio, who both shrugged back. None of us were sure what she was saying.

Helga pointed across the room, and I realized she was trying to point to her parents cabin across the hall, "_Kan ikke gå, kan ikke gå_."

She either couldn't, or didn't want to, leave her parents. I looked at Fabrizio hopelessly. Fabrizio stepped forwards, saying something in Italian. It took some persuasion from him, but Helga finally agreed. There must have been something about not having her parents consent that thrilled Helga, or the prospect of spending more time with Fabrizio. She took Fabrizio's hand and he led her out the cabin and towards the general room.

Tommy and I lagged behind, talking quietly.

"Where's my boyo Jackie?" Tommy asked, pulling out a cigarette.

"Dinning with the first class," I replied, "Rose and her fiancé invited him to dinner after he saved her life."

"But not you," Tommy said. It wasn't a question, but rather a statement.

I only shrugged.

"Brutal," Tommy murmured.

I snorted with a laugh, "Hardly! I much rather be joining you, Fabrizio and Helga at an Irish party than stuck eating with those insipid people."

Tommy grinned at this.

"I've been meaning to ask you something, Emily," Tommy said.

I raised an eyebrow, "Oh?"

Tommy nodded, "I was wondering if you could, well, if you would be _willing_ to teach me to read?"

I raised my eyebrows. It was no surprise that Tommy couldn't read, most people that held a third class ticket couldn't. What was surprising was that he wanted to learn. I hadn't met many man quiet like Tommy Ryan, who seemed full of surprises.

Tommy watched me, his hazel eyes intense as he waited for an answer.

"I don't know Tommy," I sighed.

Tommy stopped walking, turning me to face him, "Please Emily," he said, "I promise not to let my temper get to me. I'll be patient, and wiling and I'll do anything you ask. The best student you've ever had."

I studied Tommy's face, "The only student," I corrected him, "We wouldn't even be able to get our hands on a book. Third class doesn't have a library."

"Leave that to me. Is that a yes?" Tommy asked hopefully and we began walking again.

"Titanic docks in two days, I cant teach you to read in that amount of time," I pointed out.

"Is that a yes?" Tommy repeated.

"I didn't exactly imagine spending my time on the Ship of Dream teaching and Irishman how to read."

"Is that a yes?"

I sighed, "Fine, alright, yes! I will teach you how to read," I answered, annoyed.

When I imagined myself on Titanic, I imagined adventure for Jack Fabrizio and I. So far, it was not going at all how I had hoped. I wasn't looking forward to lessons with Tommy, but perhaps it would get my mind off things, namely Jack and Rose.

Tommy grinned, replacing his hat, looking very smug for being able to break me down into saying yes. I rolled my eyes at Tommy, for the second time that day.

"You're very vexing, you know that?" I asked Tommy.

"Guilty as charged, Emily," was all he said.

I asked Tommy about Ireland, who was happy to tell me his story as we made our way to the general room. He lived in a place called Waterford, in the south east part of Ireland; a place of long rains, rolling hills, and plenty of beer, as he said. He grew up in a large family of eight, and he was the eldest. At ten, he quit school to help his father work the farm and at twenty seven, he had saved enough money for one third class ticket aboard Titanic.

"I was notorious for always getting in trouble, fighting in the streets, stealing, and getting drunk more than I should have," Tommy said. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking a little ashamed, "But America will change that. I'm starting over, a new life, new place, new Tommy Ryan."

"That's admirable of you," I said.

Tommy looked at me, "It's what anyone would have wanted," he replied with a shrug.

I glanced up, noticing something was amiss. Helga and Fabrizio had stopped talking, and were watching us with curious expressions. I raised an eyebrow making Fabrizio grin. They turned back around, returning to their own conversation.

I could hear loud music playing from the general room before I even saw it. Bagpipes, accordions, fiddles, and a vary of instrument sounds flooded up the steps. It was muggy and hot and smelled of stale tobacco. The benches were pushed up against the wall and a wood platform had been laid down for dancing. Bodies crowded around, some dancing, some drinking, some smoking.

As the scene unfolded before me, I couldn't help but grin. This, this is what I wanted to be a part of. Not tea cups and gossip, but beer and brawls.


	6. Beer and Brawls

**Beer and Brawls**

* * *

**April 12th 1912**

**Nighttime**

Fabrizio turned to Helga, "We dance?" he asked, holding out his hand for her to grab. She smiled and nodded and Fabrizio pulled her into a quick dance. I immediately began biting my lip, feeling awkward standing next to Tommy in silence.

He seemed perfectly content though, and pulled out a new cigarette, lighting it up, "Care for a smoke?" he asked, offering a cigarette to me.

I shook my head, "I never liked smoking," I replied and Tommy shrugged, saying something else. It was lost in the noise of the music and talking.

"What?" I asked.

Tommy leaned closer to my ear, "Can I get you a drink, Emily?" he asked.

I nodded and Tommy left, leaving me in the center of the room. I pulled a chair up to one of the round wood tables, watching Helga and Fabrizio dance. Tommy returned seconds later. He handed me an ice cold glass of beer, drinking down his own. The cool drink was nice in the stifling room.

I felt a finger tap me on my shoulder. Looking down, I saw curly haired Cora, "Where's Jack?" she asked over the noise.

I leaned down to answer her, "Sorry Cora, he's not here tonight. I'll let you know you were looking for him, okay?"

Cora nodded, though still looking disappointed.

"You're welcome to sit with me?" I offered.

Cora smiled, "I'm okay," she said simply and walked off, going to join her father and mother.

Next to me, Tommy roared with laughter, "It's obvious who her favorite is," he said.

I shot Tommy a look, "Jack is everyone's favorite," I teased, taking a long drink of beer.

"How about it?" Tommy asked, indicating to the center of the room, "Would you like to dance?"

I raised my eyebrow, "I can't gaurantee I won't step on your foot," I replied.

Tommy grinned, the cigarette between his teeth and his eyes bright with mischief, "I'll take my chances," he replied gently, offering his hand.

I shook my head, taking hold of his hand. Tommy led me to where the rest of the couples were. With his hand in mine and one on my waist, we slipped in with the other dancers, moving to the beat. Tommy and I danced in a mangled mess of feet and bodies and I laughed. As he pulled me around in a tight circle, I stepped on his foot, like I only predicted. Tommy only chuckled, brushing it off, and we continued dancing.

When the song ended, Tommy and I made our way back to the table, both dizzy and giddy. Helga and Fabrizio came and joined us seconds after, both panting and grinning from ear to ear. We sat at our table, talking over the noise of the crowded general room.

Another dance started up and the woman took over the dance floor. Helga took my hand and together, we joined them on the platform. We all joined hands, turning in a large circle to the music, while the men stepped off to watch. I looked at Helga and laughed. We all brought our hands into the center, then back out again, turning the other way. I glanced at Fabrizio and Tommy through the crowd, who were both clapping to the beat. Tommy grinned at me.

Helga and I held up our hands in a arch for some women to weave under. I looked up, seeing Jack coming down the steps to the general room. I immediately perked up, only to be crestfallen right after. Following behind him was Rose, looking both nervous and excited, her lips curled in a smile. I dropped my hands. Only when Helga grabbed me again and pulled me back into the dance did I realize I had been staring.

I watched them join Tommy and Fabrizio at the table, Jack introducing Rose to his friends. The music came to an end and Helga and I made our way back to our table. I grabbed my half empty glass of beer and finished it off. Why was Rose down here? I reminded myself that it didn't matter and that I had agreed to help Rose and Jack be together until Titanic docked.

_But still, why did he have to bring _her_ down here? _I thought to myself and sighed, grabbing another glass and drinking it down. I could feel my good mood dwindle.

Tommy was watching me, an unreadable expression on his face.

"What?" I asked, catching his eye.

"Nothing," Tommy said with a shrug. Jack and Rose turned to him, who was happy to introduce himself.

"Tommy Ryan, pleased to make your acquaintance," he said, raising to his feet and taking Rose's hand.

Rose laughed nervously, "And yours."

"Rose, you remember Emily. She was on the stern with me the other night," Jack introduced, indicating to me.

"Right, of course," Rose said sweetly, "How could I forget? Nice to see you again Emily."

_Can't very well say the same for you, _I thought to myself and toyed with the thought of actually saying it. I settled with something more pleasant and amiable.

"And you, Rose. What brings you down to third class?" I asked, glancing between Rose and Jack. Yes, grandmother would be so proud of that response.

"Oh, well, Jack wanted to introduce me to a real party," she said with a laugh.

Tommy laughed, "Right on boyo!" He replied, slapping Jack on the back before turning to the rest of the group, "I think another round of stout?" he asked.

"Please," I muttered, looking at my empty glass forlornly.

Quiet as a mouse, Cora made her way over to Jack. She tugged him on his pant leg. Jack, guessing what she wanted, asked for a dance. Cora was quick to say yes. Jack pulled off his jacket and hung it over the back of a chair, removing his neck tie and unbuttoning his collar as well. He pulled Cora onto the dance floor and they moved in with the rest of the dancers.

Tommy arrived with the pints of beer, handing one to Rose. She smiled and took one with a thank you, then took the seat next to mine. I sipped my drink, purposely scooting my chair farther away from hers conspicuously. She didn't seem to notice. After catching their breath, Fabrizio asked Helga for another dance and they were off in the crowd again.

The song ended and a round of cheers went up. Jack leaned down to Cora.

"I'm going to dance with her now, okay?" Jack asked, indicating to Rose, who looked surprised.

"Come on," Jack said, taking Rose's hand, "Come on, let's dance!"

Rose shook her head, "No Jack! Jack, I can't do this," she objected as Jack pulled her onto the dance floor.

Jack was grinning, "We're going to have to get a little closer," he said, placing a hand on the middle of Rose's back, "Like this," he added, pulling her close. Rose let out a little gasp.

Jack turned to look at Cora, who was pouting at being replaced. I took another drink of the ale.

"You're still my best girl Cora," Jack said and she smiled, scampering off into the crowd.

What was I, chopped liver?

As the music picked up, Jack started leading Rose around in a tight circle.

"Jack! I don't know this dance," Rose said.

"Neither do I, just go with it," Jack replied, "Don't think."

Rose let out another nervous laugh, closing her eyes. They danced around the floor, bumping into other couples. Rose couldn't stop laughing and Jack couldn't stop watching her. Helga and Fabrizio soon joined them.

Tommy and I were left at the table. He looked at me, cigarette between his fingers, and laughed at their clumsiness. I frowned, watching Rose. She didn't belong here and I was not trilled with her being here. Jack should have just left her to her tea parties and gossip.

"Don't look so down," Tommy advised, "You can't help but smile at an Irish party."

I glanced at him, "Watch me," I replied.

"You're a real pain in the arse right now, you know that?" Tommy snapped and I stuck my tongue out at him. I was acting like child and I knew it.

With a roll of his eye, Tommy put his cigarette in his teeth, picked up his drink and moved to another table; leaving me to sulk.

Jack and Rose took over the dance floor, each showing off their fancy foot work. Rose removed her shoes and tossed them, hiking up her skirts as she moved around.

Rose seemed to be enjoying herself. More than that, she looked elated to be in steerage. I knew why. I knew how boring and mundane it was sometimes, being first class. Even with everything she could ask for, she still wasn't happy. I saw it in her eyes that night she stood on the back of the Titanic and I knew the feeling. It was a secret that tied us together. The only thing that separated us was that I was bold enough to change my fate and take my own corse. Not her, not yet.

Jack and Rose moved off the dance floor. I spotted Tommy at a table across the room, locked in a arm wrestle with another man. They were evenly matched, both men straining against the other. Jack reached over them, grabbing for a couple of beers, one of which he handed to Rose.

I watched Tommy bring the other mans arm down a few inches, his arm muscles flexing with the strain. With a loud grunt though, the other man pushed Tommy's hand until the back of it hit the table and knocking over some glasses.

"Shite!" Tommy cursed under his breath, "Two of three!" He tried, going another round.

Rose laughed, "So," she said loudly, reaching over and pulling Tommy's cigarette right from his mouth, "You think you're such big men? Let's see you do this."

Taking a long drag on Tommy's cigarette, Rose stepped back, looking quite cocky indeed.

"Hold this Jack," Rose instructed, lifting her skirts, "Lift it high."

Jack did as he was told. Showing her stocking feet, Rose assumed a ballet position, her arms in front of her for balance. I watched as she rose up on her feet, higher and higher until all her weight was on only her front toes.

Tommy raised his eyebrows, watching. Jack wore a similar expression and I'm sure I did too. It was painful to watch. Rose's ankles wobbled and she fell to the side, right into Jack's arms.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked and Rose laughed.

"I haven't done that in years!" Rose cried. Jack held her there, probably longer than nessisary before helping her to her feet. Rose grinned, handing Tommy his cigarette back and replacing her shoes.

I took another sip of beer. Fabrizio walked over, his face red from dancing so much. He grabbed a glass, grinning.

"Having fun?" I asked.

Fabrizio nodded, looking over his shoulder at Helga, who was talking to another woman. She glanced our direction and waved.

Fabrizio looked back at me, "I do not know what she says, she dosent know what I say, we still get along fine," he replied.

Helga walked over to us, taking Fabrizio's hand and walking away. At least one of us was having a good time. I waved them off, looking over to where Tommy was. He had convined the other gentleman of another round of arm wrestling and was locked in battle.

With my glass empty, I went to get another one. The room was so crowded, I ended up tripping over more than one person. I noticed the rat faced Mr. Lovejoy lingering by the entrance stairs. I switched directions and moved to Jack and Rose.

"Jack!" I said, interrupting their dance. He looked at me and Rose smiled. I pointed over his shoulder at the direction of the stairs where Mr. Lovejoy was.

"Aw, shit," Jack muttered, turning to Rose, "He's probably here to spy on us, courtesy of you fiancé. We'll stay low until he leaves, then I'll take you back to first class, okay?"

Rose hesitated, then nodded obediently.

"Thank you Em," Jack said, then took Rose's hand and lead her off the dance floor to one of the corners of the room, leaving me to stand alone. I looked at Mr. Lovejoy, who caught my gaze, glared, then went on looking for Jack and Rose.

Remembering my initial quest, I turned to get another stout, weaving in and out of bodies.

I picked up another pint, glancing over to the the stairs. Mr. Lovejoy had disappeared. A man idled up to me, to close for comfort, whose breath smelled of stale beer. His hair was shaggy and his face shone with sweat.

"Evening there," he slurred, "What's your name darling?"

I frowned, "Emily Cross," I replied curtly, turning on my heel to leave. He caught me by my wrist.

"Wait up there darling," he said, stepping closer. He pulled me towards him.

"You're drunk," I growled, trying to pull away, "Let me go now."

The man wasn't listening. He grinned stupidly, "Pretty lips, pretty eyes, pretty girl," he mumbled, running his thumb over my bottom lip. He cupped my chin in his hand and pulled me into a rough kiss. I tried to pull back but he just kissed me harder.

Angrily, I bit his bottom lip as hard as I could. With a yelp, he let go, his lip bleeding where my teeth broke skin. I smirked triumphantly.

"Filthy little whore," the man growled, his face clouding over.

He took a step towards me and I shied away, backing up into one of the wooden tables. Tommy appeared behind the man, all piss and vinegar, tapping him on the shoulder.

"What?" The man barked, turning around. Lifting a fist, Tommy punched him square in the jaw. The mans head snapped to the side and he tumbled over onto a table and to the floor, knocked out cold.

"Bastard," Tommy murmured, stepping over the man's body.

I titled my head, studying the man on the floor, "Oh, I think you killed him," I said passively, "Thanks," I added, taking my pint and turning to leave.

"Wait a minute there Emily," Tommy said warningly. I turned to face him and he took the glass from my hand.

I frowned, "Give that back Tommy Ryan," I said.

Tommy raised his eyebrow, "How many have you had?"

I stepped closer to Tommy, standing on my tip toes to make myself taller, "Hardly any. Now give it back," I reached for my glass but Tommy held it above my head. I stretched for it, but only stumbled over myself.

Tommy chuckled, "You're drunk as a dog."

I felt my face flush, "Dammit I am not!"

"You can barley walk," Tommy pointed out.

"Fine," I challenged, "Then I'll sit," I took a seat on the nearest chair, crossing my arms over my chest stubbornly.

Tommy set the glass of beer down, pulling me up, "Come on, we're going back to your room before you make a bloody fool of yourself."

Tommy led me out of the general room. I glanced over my shoulder to see Fabrizio pull Rose into a line of dancers, who in turn took Jack's hand. They grinned at each other, sheer bliss written on their faces. I tripped over the steps in the stairwell.

"Careful there," Tommy said, pulling a hand on my waist to steady me.

"The blasted stairs won't stop moving," I grumbled and I heard Tommy snicker. I just concentrated on getting up the stairs without falling. The cool air on the upper deck felt good and the lack of pounding music and shouting voices did wonders for my head. We moved down to E Deck, Tommy opening the door to my cabin when we reached it.

I smiled as I entered, "Oh, bed," I sighed, "I missed you," I climbed up to my bunk and took a seat.

"You're quite entertaining when you're fluthered," Tommy commented.

"I don't speak Irish and I'm not drunk," I insisted.

"Do you wan't to talk?"

"No."

"Why don't you like her?"

"Who?"

"You know who," Tommy replied, climbing up next to me. We sat with our backs against the wall, our feet stretched out in front of us, "Rose."

I looked at Tommy. He looked down at me. I chewed my lip, feeling tears in my eyes.

_No_, I commanded myself, _I am not going to do this here, not with Tommy_.

"This was supposed to be an adventure for Jack, Fabrizio and I. Jack wasn't supposed to fall in love, especially not with some first class rich girl," I blurted out, unable to stop myself. I sighed, whipping my eyes, "It's nothing now," I reassured myself, "When Titanic docks, everything will be back to normal. Jack and Rose will go their seperate ways."

"Can you be so sure?" Tommy asked.

I sat up, turning to look at Tommy, "Yes," I said firmly.

Tommy raised his eyebrow, "You're hiding something," he said.

"I'm not hiding anything," I replied.

"I see the way you look at him and there is something more," Tommy said, slowly smoking his cigarette, "What if, when Titanic docks, Rose leaves with Jack, not her fiancé? Then what?"

"Don't say that," I said quietly.

"Do you love him? Jack?" Tommy asked.

I felt the minutes tick away before I answered, "...Yes."

"And it hurts? To watch him be so in love with another person?"

"Yes."

Tommy didn't reply.

I sighed, leaning back against the wall, "Have you ever felt this way before?" I asked, "In love with someone who doesn't love you back?"

It was Tommy's turn to let the minutes pass before he answered, "Yes."

I rested my head on Tommy's shoulder, "I suppose we're just two people, with hearts full of love, but none to share it with. Its tragic, really," I sighed, feeling very tired and very sleepy.

"I suppose," Tommy replied.

I didn't remember much after that. The drinks I had finally caught up with me and I was sleep in a matter of minutes.

* * *

**Authors Note:** Thank you for the support guys! I really wasn't too concerned about reviews for this fanfiction like I have been in the past, but it is still so kind! Thanks to maybe-it-destiny for reviewing on almost every chapter and thanks to Doesn't Matter for shipping Emily and Tommy, haha! Just a few more chapters to go. I hope to finish this before I tour Europe but I'm not not sure that will happen.

The party scene is on of my favorites in Titanic. There are so many though, it's hard to choose! What about you guys? What are your favorite scenes from Titanic?


	7. Lessons

**Lessons**

* * *

**April 13th 1912**

**Morning**

I woke the next morning feeling about as lively and chipper as the seventh circle of hell. My head was pounding and the light hurt my eyes. My stomach churned, making me feel queezy. There was a knock at the door that sounded like an iron first on an metal. I felt lousy and sick.

_I will never, ever, under any circumstances drink as much as I did last night_, I vowed inwardly and Arlene answered the door.

I could hear soft voices and I recognized Tommy's Irish brogue as he asked, "Is she awake?"

Arlene said something to Tommy that I failed to catch. She then turned to her children, who were playing on their bed, "Declan, go wake Emily, will you?"

Declan did as he was told. He jumped down from his bed and clambered up onto my bunk, shaking my shoulder, "Emily," he said, "There is a man at the door for you."

I groaned loudly in response. I could hear Tommy's chuckle at the doorway. Declan shook my shoulder harder but I was refusing to move. He then crawled to the end of my bed, yanking the sheets right off my body.

I sat up, glowering at the little imp. He smiled then scrambled down off my bed. I climbed down after him, wrapping myself in a blanket to maintain some modestly. I ran my fingers through my blonde hair as Arlene stepped aside, letting Tommy in. She grabbed up her children and they quietly left the room, leaving Tommy and I.

"How are you feeling?" Tommy asked.

"Stout is the devil himself," I replied, rubbing my temples. My head ached terribly.

Tommy chuckled softly, fishing something out of his pocket, "Here," he replied, handing me a breakfast roll, "You slept in late so I took the liberty of getting you something to eat. It will help with your head."

"Thanks," I murmured, taking the roll. I nibbled on it, taking a seat on of the bunk beds.

"The roll dosen't come without a price though," Tommy said cheekily. He crossed his arms, leaning against the bed post.

I looked up at him. I should have expected that.

"You did promise you would teach me how to read," Tommy reminded.

I groaned. I had completely forgotten about the lessons. I took another bite of roll.

"I do not feel good today Tommy," I complained, "Besides, the library wont let us borrow. We don't have any books."

Tommy grinned, "You may not, but I do," he said simply, "Go ahead and get dressed, I'll meet you outside," Tommy added, slipping out and shutting the door behind him.

I sighed but did as I was told, pinning my hair and donning on a simple dress. I struggled with my corset, seeing as neither Helga nor Arlene were there to help, but I managed. Once done, I found Tommy out in the hall, smoking a cigarette. He glanced at me and smiled. He had a book in his hands, which he handed over to me.

"Poetry from Emily Dickinson," I said, "Interesting. Why would a man who can't read have poetry with him?" I asked.

Tommy and I walked along the deck, making our way to the promenade deck, "Remember how I mentioned I would get in trouble more oft than not? How I had a tendency to steal?" Tommy asked.

I raised an eyebrow, looking at Tommy, "A tendency?"

"It's in the past," Tommy reminded me gruffly, "I always wanted to know how to read so one day I took a book and tried to teach myself. It didn't fare well, obviously."

"Well, Dickinson isn't the easiest thing to read," I laughed. I opened the book and started flipping through the pages, trying to find simple words to start with. I had no idea how to teach, I had never done it before in my life. I figured I would start from the basics and work from there. We were walking along B Deck, when I spotted Jack and Fabrizio, heading our direction.

Jack was marching with determined steps, Fabrizio close behind him saying, "Jack! Why go after her?"

"Because Fabrizio," Jack said, "I'm going to let her slip through my fingers."

They strode right past Tommy and I, Jack barley even looking up. We fell in step with Fabrizio behind Jack.

"What's up with Jackie?" Tommy asked.

Fabrizio shrugged, "It is Jack! He wants to go back for Rose. He tried to find her this morning, but they wouldn't let him."

"It was that Mr. Lovejoy," Jack grumbled.

Tommy glanced at me and I shrugged.

"Forget it boyo," Tommy said, grabbing Jack's arm and turning him so that he faced us, "That was a one time thing."

Jack stopped, frowning at us. He didn't say anything. Tommy turned to me.

"Try and talk some sense into him, will you Emily?" Tommy asked.

I looked between Tommy, Jack and Fabrizio.

"If Jack wants to find her, then let him," I said. Jack smiled at me and continued walking.

That's why I was doing what I did, for Jack's happiness. Tommy and Fabrizio stared after me as I followed Jack.

"What's gotten into her?" Tommy asked Fabrizio before they began following us.

"She's a goddess amongst mortal men, there's no denying," Tommy said as we all slipped through the gate to the second class deck, "But she's in another world, Jackie, forget her. She's closed the door."

"It was them closing the door, not her. Not Rose," Jack replied determinedly. We made our way along second class deck, avoiding Titanic crew. Jack jumped onto a platform, making himself just tall enough to see the first class deck through the railing.

"Em, keep watch," Jack said and I nodded. Jack turned to Tommy, "Give me a boost."

Tommy glanced between Fabrizio and I before lacing his fingers together and crouching down. Jack placed his foot in Tommy's clasped hands and Tommy hoisted him up. Jack climbed over the railing onto first class deck.

"Thanks," Jack called over the railing before disappearing to go find Rose.

"Let's go!" I hissed, spotting a crew man coming around the corner.

"He's not being logical I tell you," Tommy said with a shake of his head jumping down from the platform.

"Amore is a not logical," Fabrizio said as we made our way back to the third class promenade deck. Just as we reached the little gate to the stairs, the crew man spotted us.

"Back down to third class where you belong!" The man snapped, striding towards us.

"We go! We go!" Fabrizio said and the crew man latched the gate behind us.

We walked along the third class deck together until Fabrizio found Helga at the stern with her parents. He turned to Tommy and I, bid us goodbye, then went off to join them. Once we were alone again, Tommy turned to me as we walked.

"What was that about?" He asked.

"What?"

"Encouraging Jackie to find his girl," Tommy replied.

"Why shouldn't I?" I snapped, "It's like I said, by this time tomorrow, Jack and Rose will have gone their seperate ways. Might as well let him have his happiness now," I replied simply, ending the conversation. I indicated to the book, "Let's get this done with, shall we?"

It was a warm day, with a cold sea breeze coming off the water, the sun beating down on Titanic's decks. Tommy and I took a seat on one of the lounge chairs and I opened to a random page. Tommy wasn't completely illiterate, I came to learn, and in fact had taught himself some basic principles, so the teaching wasn't to difficult. The hardest part was putting the words together.

"Try this one," I said after an hour or so, handing Tommy the book, pointing to one of the words.

Tommy sighed took the book, "Ad..ad...abdominal?"

I shook my head, "There's no 'B' so try again."

"Ad...advise?"

"No, again."

"Dammit," Tommy muttered, looking the word over again. His brow knitted in concentration and he worked the cigarette in his mouth thoughtfully.

"The next letter is a 'J,'" I offered, trying to help him out. After an hour or so of practice, I could tell Tommy's patience was wearing thin. I was surprised that he had lasted this long.

"Adjacent? Adjourn? Adjust?" Tommy said, looking at me.

I sighed, "Now you're just guessing, Tommy."

"Can you blame me? This is bloody ridiculous," Tommy growled.

"It just takes practice," I insisted.

Tommy looked ready to thrown the book of the ship, "Practice is a waste of time," he brushed off, siting back in the chair and smoking his cigarette.

"Practice, is what makes you better," I shot back, crossing my arms.

Tommy just glowered at me, frustrated with himself.

"Look who's being a pain in the ass now," I snapped and took the book from his hands before he tore it in half, "Here, listen to it all together," I said, and read the poem for him.

"All but Death, can be Adjusted—  
Dynasties repaired—  
Systems—settled in their Sockets—  
Citadels—dissolved—

Wastes of Lives—resown with Colors  
By Succeeding Springs—  
Death—unto itself—Exception—  
Is exempt from Change—"

"See? It's sounds nice when you put it all together," I replied, "It just takes time."

Tommy just looked at me thoughtfully before asking, "What does it mean?"

"Well," I said, looking over the poem, "It means that there is power in change and anything can happen. Except death, death is the only thing permeant,"

"Well that depressing," Tommy said, rolling his cigarette between his teeth.

"Well it's the truth," I contradicted, "Everything can be made different if you have the bravery to change it."

"Like changing a status?" Tommy asked, referring to my angst against growing up with a first class grandmother, and as a result escaping to America on a third class ticket.

"Exactly," I replied, "Or changing of a person," I hinted towards Tommy and his own want for change in America, "Like Dickinson said, wastes of lives can be resown with color."

Tommy nodded and we lapsed into silence. I looked up, just as Jack was approaching us. He had a curious expression on his face, one I couldn't quite read. He looked content, but slightly confused. He ran his hands through his hair, making my stomach knot, and stopped in front of us.

"How did it go?" I asked, closing the book and setting it aside.

"Good, I think," Jack said slowly, looking around the deck. He looked a little lost on what to do.

"What do you say?" Tommy asked.

"I, uh, told her the truth," Jack replied, "I told her how I felt about her, that I cared and I wanted the best for her. I told her I couldn't leave her unless I knew for sure that she was going to be okay," Jack said with a sigh and sat down next to us, "They're suffocating her and I can't watch that happen."

"So now what?" Tommy asked.

"Now I wait," Jack said, standing again and putting his hands in his pocket. He seemed restless, "I told her what needed to be said, now I just need to wait and see how she feels...I think I'm going to head for the bow," Jack added and turned to leave.

I jumped up, "I'll come with you," I offered.

Jack glanced at me, "Alone," he said, then walked off the direction of the bow, where Jack Fabrizio and I had been the first day we were on Titanic. Now, it seemed like a lifetime away. I took my seat again slowly.

"Are you okay?" Tommy asked after a few minutes of silence.

I wasn't sure. I felt a surge of emotions, emotions I couldn't quite make sense of, and I wasn't sure what to do with them. Something changed in Jack. He was turning into a man I couldn't understand. Was this because of Rose? Jack and I shared everything and did everything before Titanic. Now, it was like I was no more than a stranger on a boat. Was he moving on?

_One more day, _I reminded myself.

I looked at Tommy, "I think so," I replied truthfully and opened the book again.

Tommy nodded, taking the book from my hands as I pointed out a new word for him to try. Tommy was a fast and eager learner, I just wish I was a better teacher. Neither of us were very patient and had quick tempers, but luckily Tommy caught on fast. Another hour or so flew by and by the end of the lesson, I was just reading the poems aloud to Tommy while he sat back and smoked.

A the sound of footsteps approaching once again I looked up from the book. Rose walked towards us, beaming with happiness and looked flustered. She was smiling gently, dressed in a dark velvet blue dress.

"Evening Rose," Tommy said, sitting up straighter.

"Evening Tommy, Emily," she greeted.

"Are you looking for Jack?" I asked.

Rose blushed, "Is it that obvious?"

"Well, I highly doubt you snuck onto third class deck to see Tommy or I," I replied.

"Right, well, do you know where he is?" Rose asked.

I indicated with my head towards the front of the ship, "He should be at he bow," I replied.

Rose nodded her head and walked off. I felt Tommy's eyes on me and I stood up and followed her a few steps.

"More sneaking around? I thought you learned your lesson," Tommy teased, smirking as he held his cigarette between his fingers.

I rolled my eyes, "A curious mind is a healthy one," I replied.

"Yes, well, we'll see about that," Tommy said, but I was already off in the direction of the bow.

I followed Rose until she reached Jack. He turned to her, a wide smiling gracing his face. I stood back, ducking behind a set of steps to the second class deck. I couldn't hear anything they said but their actions were loud enough. Jack helped Rose onto the front railing of the bow. She wobbled precariously, then Jack helped her to open up her arms.

"I'm flying!," Rose cried breathlessly, "Jack!"

Even from my position, I could see the dreamy smile on both their faces. Jack leaned into Rose's ear, whispered something. They stood like that for a minute, the wind whipping at their clothes and hair. Jack reached out, lacing his fingers through Rose's tenderly, then they brought their arms in together. Rose turned her body into Jack, tilting her head back.

They kissed. It was delicate at first, then more passionate as Jack and Rose leaned into each other. I had never seen anyone kiss like that before. It was so full of love and fire, it was a kiss that had defied all odds in order to happen. A kiss that had been fought for. A kiss that sealed a destiny.

It was at that moment that I came to terms with what was really happening. It hit me like a wave on the ocean, with so much force it knocked the wind from my lungs and I found it hard to breath. This was not some silly crush. It was love. A deep and real love. This would not end when Titanic docked in America, but would carrying on.

I stepped back, turning and running back to my room. I needed to get away from it all; get away from Jack and Rose and everyone else on the ship. There was only so many places I could go on Titanic though. I ran to my cabin, throwing myself at the door and shutting it behind me. I couldn't catch my breath. I felt hot and my head pounded from an entirely different reason other than all the drinks from the night before.

Jack was slipping through my fingers with each passing moment and there was nothing I cold do to stop it. I was loosing my best friend and the man I had grown to love. How on earth could I tell him now how I felt? Rose and Jack were deeply in love, and I was a fool to try and convince myself otherwise.

I gasped, feeling a few thick tears spill over my cheeks. It was so bloody hot! I reached behind me, unbuttoning my dress with shaking hands as fast as I could. Once I was free I tried unlacing my corset. My fingers trembled with the laces, but they were so tight I couldn't loosen them. I dropped to me knees. I felt like screaming, on the point of hysteria, when there was a soft knock at the door.

"Go away!" I practically shouted between the tears.

"Emily, it's me," Tommy said, through the door.

"Go away!" I repeated, whipping at my face.

Tommy opened the door anyways, slipping inside. He looked at me, half dressed on the floor in only my corset and chemise, crying. I covered my face with my hands, feeling ashamed at myself for loosing control. I couldn't stop myself. Tommy grabbed a blanket from off my bunk, throwing it over my shoulders and kneeling down so he was my height.

His kindness only brought more tears. I tried taking some shaky breaths to calm down, but it was no use. Tommy, taking hold of my shoulders, helped me to Helga's bunk. We sat quietly, me wrapped in a blanket and crying on Tommy's shoulder, while Tommy put his arms around me. He didn't say anything, just held me, occasionally stroking my hair.

"This was supposed to be the Ship of Dreams," I finally mumbled, my voice breaking from crying to much.

* * *

**Authors Note:** Thank you for the continued support everyone! I took down the chapters to edit them and I'm in the process of putting them back up. Thanks again for your patience!


	8. Sinking

**Sinking**

**April 14th 1912**

**11:40 pm**

I had no idea how long we sat before I stopped crying. I laid my head on Tommy's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, my hiccups the only thing to break the silence.

It was like my whole world was suddenly a strange new place and I was a complete outsider. I had been so sure of everything before Titanic but now nothing made sense anymore. I wasn't sure of anything any more. I wasn't sure if Jack was still my friend. Had he moved on now because of Rose? Had I been replaced? A devilish little voice in the back of my mind told me he had. There was a new woman in Jack's life. A new woman for him to tease, to make laugh, to love and her name was Rose DeWitt Bukater.

There was also the question of how I felt about Jack now. There was no denying that I loved him and would continue to do so but things were different now that I knew how much Jack and Rose really cared for each other. There was no longer room in the portraits for Emily Cross and I needed to recognize that.

"I'm sorry," I finally said with a shaking voice, "What you must think of me," I mumbled.

Tommy practically laughed, "Since when do you care what people think Emily?" He asked, "There's no need to be sorry. You can't be strong all the time."

"I am an utter fool," I said.

"No, you're not. Jack is the fool."

I shook my head, "No, I should have seen it from the beginning. I was stupid to think that Jack ever loved me," I chewed my lip. There was so much I wanted to say but I couldn't find the right words.

"I had such high expectations when I boarded Titanic," I said, talking slowly, "It's said to be the Ship of Dreams, and I suppose I had my own dreams for it. I thought that it would be this grand adventure and that somewhere along the way, Jack would somehow realize just how much I cared about him. I'm a stupid girl for believing that. I should have known better. Jack never saw me as more than a friend, he only had eyes for Rose. I never had a chance."

"You're a bold girl Emily Cross," Tommy said gently, "But you are no fool. Jack is blind for not seeing you."

I sighed, feeling more tears threaten as I leaned my head on Tommy's shoulder, "I am grateful for you Tommy," I said, "You are a dear friend. I will be sad when we say our goodbyes tomorrow."

We sat back in silence. Again, I lost track of time, lost in my own thoughts. Jack had changed and moved on, it was time I did the same.

I felt Titanic shutter, her halls echoing with a low rumble. Tommy and I both sat up, looking at each other curiously. We stood and went to the door, Tommy checking the hall to see if anything was amiss. He only looked at me and shrugged. I pulled the blanket around me tighter.

"What do you suppose that was?" I asked. The words had barley escaped my mouth when Titanic buckled, throwing Tommy and I back into the room. I cried out and fell to the floor, landing on my hip painfully. Tommy stumbled and fell next to me, hitting his head on the floor. The metal groaned and creaked again.

Tommy say up slowly, holding his head, "Emily, are you okay?" he asked, helping me to my feet.

I nodded, "What was that? What's happening?"

Tommy glanced around the room, as if he would find the answer there, "I'm not sure. Get dressed, something isn't right."

I could see something change in Tommy's hazel eyes. I wasn't sure exactly what it was, but it frightened me. I nodded mutely and Tommy left. I dressed as quick as I could, fumbling with my dress with trembling fingers. I had just grabbed my coat as was making my way for the door when I noticed it. Water, seeping in through the crack between the floor and the door.

"Tommy!" I cried, suddenly fearful. I retreated towards the back of the room, clambering onto the bunks to avoid the water.

Tommy flung open the door to my cabin, looking at me crouched on the bunk.

"Time to move," he said, taking my hand and helping me down from the bed. My feet hit the freezing water and it felt like icy needle pricks on my skin. We made our way out into the hallway, gauging the direction the water was flowing and going the opposite direction. The water crept slowly along the floor after us, like a snake in the grass. Tommy kept a hold on my hand as we maneuvered the skinny corridors.

"Tommy, what's going on? Why is Titanic taking on water?" I asked, hoping my voice did not sound as frightened as I felt. More people began filling up the hallway as they woke and realized what was going on. Tommy picked up the pace.

"I'm not sure," he muttered, pushing past a group of foreigners. He looked over his shoulder at me, "We'll go find Fabrizio and make for the upper decks. Hopefully someone up there will know what to do."

I just nodded again. Tommy dropped my hand.

"Start banging on doors, make sure people know what's happening."

I didn't move quite yet, "Titanic is sinking, isn't it?" I asked. my voice quieter than I intended.

Tommy turned to me, his brow furrowed, "I think so," he replied grimly, then turned to bang on doors.

I stood there frozen, my heart skipping a beat. I watched Tommy pound on doors, my own body unable to move. Titanic, sinking? It was impossible, improbable even. Not the Ship of Dreams; she wouldn't, couldn't, go down. Not tonight, not like this. My thoughts suddenly scattered and my breath caught from the sheer panic that filled my body. I couldn't comprehend what was truly happening.

The only thing that brought me back to reality was the cold water lapping my feet. I jumped as it licked my toes, suddenly remembering the assignment Tommy had given me.

I moved to the nearest door.

_This couldn't be happening, dear God let this be a nightmare._

"Wake up!" I cried, knocking on the door, "Titanic is taking on water!"

"Get up! Everyone!" Tommy called, banging a fist on a door then moving to the next one. I followed suit.

People got up slowly, groggily. The severity of the situation wasn't registering to them, not quickly enough. At the sight of the water, they were gathering their precious belongings, rather than running for their lives. We spotted Fabrizio up ahead, coming out of his room sleepy and confused with all the commotion. The narrow hallways were beginning to get clogged with bodies, making it hard to move through them.

"Come on Fabrizio!" Tommy called, jogging up to him. Fabrizio glanced around, saying something in Italian, "Come on! Let's get the hell out of here!" Tommy urged.

Fabrizio slipped inside him room. Tommy cursed on his breath, itchy and impatient. He glanced at the water, which was slowly stalking its way closer to us. Seeing the look on my face, he gave me a half hearted smile in an attempt comfort me, but the look was empty. Tommy was worried, and it was written all over his face. I didn't like seeing Tommy like this. For the short time I had known him, he had been a brooding, temperamental wit. Now, he was letting his emotions run wild. It wasn't like him.

Fabrizio returned a few seconds later, pulling on a sweater and coat. Tommy led the way down the corridors. I glanced over my shoulder, noticing a small band of steerage men following us, clogging the cramped hall. They were probably all hoping the same thing that I was, that Tommy knew where he was leading is.

Under our feet, rats scurried out of their hiding places to escape the water. They ran up the hallway ahead of us.

"Tommy, are you sure you know where you're going?" I asked.

"If the rats are going this way, it's good enough for me," Tommy replied.

Logic at its finest hour.

"What about Jack?" I asked, "We can't leave without him."

Tommy glanced over his shoulder at me, "If Jack is with Rose then he's better off then we are," he replied bluntly.

A pair of stewards passed us, opening doors and shouting at people to put their lifebelts on.

Tommy stopped and watched them, "It's worse than I thought if they're already calling for lifebelts," Tommy mumbled, just loud enough for Fabrizio and I to hear, as he watched the stewards fight their was through the throngs of people.

The halls were becoming more crowded. We made our way up a flight of stairs, managing to out run the water. The next deck up was even more suffocating with bodies everywhere. No one was moving though, just standing puzzled in the corridor. A few foreigners grabbed my arm, trying to ask me something in a language I didn't know. Tommy managed to pulled them off and we continued on our way.

Another flight of stairs and more Titanic stewards were coming towards us, trying desperately to move through the halls.

"Lifebelts!" They called, holding up the white vests, "Put your lifebelts on!"

Tommy snatched one from the nearest steward, "Here," he said, and threw the lifebelt over my head, "Be sure to cinch that tight, understand?"

I nodded and did as I was told. Tommy grabbed another for himself, tossing it over his head and tightening the straps around his waist and hips. The throng of people became suddenly thicker at the next stairwell. It was chaos and confusion everywhere. Among the people I spotted Cora, held in her fathers arms. Tommy, Fabrizio and I managed to push our way to the bottom of the stairs, but that was a far as we got.

"Stay calm!" One of the stewards was saying and I saw why it was such a panic at the stairs. The black, iron gates to the next deck had been closed off and locked. A steward had been placed on the other side of the gate to keep the people calm but it was useless. Everyone was in a hopeless panic.

"Please stay calm while everything is sorted!" The man was saying, "There is nothing to worry about! Keep your lifebelts on and everything will be fine! Stay calm!"

I looked at Tommy, "Now what do we do?" I asked.

Tommy wasn't listening. He was glowering at the steward, his jaw muscle working feverishly. His hazel eyes were narrowed with distain and I could see a fire burning behind them. I hadn't ever seen Tommy so angry or so frightened. He looked as though he was about to get away with murder.

"Wait here," Tommy said, struggling to keep his voice even. Without waiting for a reply, he shoved his way up the stairs to the top and to the iron gates. I looked at Fabrizio, only imaging how frightened I must have looked. He smiled gently, laying a hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

"What are we doing mummy?" Said a soft voice behind me. I turned to see Declan, tugging on Arlene's skirts. She caught my eye briefly before turning to look at her children.

"We're just waiting, dear. When they finish putting the first class people in the boats, they'll be starting with us, and we'll want to be all ready, won't we?" She asked. Imogen and Declan nodded, smiling.

So that's what all the commotion was about. They were keeping the gates locked to prevent steerage from seating on the life boats. There was no doubt in my mind that bringing third class to the promenade deck would likely start some sort of uprising. I was sure the Titanic crew were doing their best to keep first class as naive and comfortable as possible. They wouldn't even know Titanic was sinking, so long as the people that were witnessing it were kept locked up on the decks where they belonged.

I now understood why Tommy was acting the way he was. I felt my own temper flare to life. It was barbaric.

I felt a tug on my own skirts. Looking down, I saw Imogen, her red hair wild as ever.

"Are you waiting for a boat too Emily?" she asked.

I looked at Arlene, who was begging me with her eyes not to frighten her children. I sighed, leaning down and picking up Imogen, cradling her on my hip, "For now, Immy. It's like your mother said. First and second class need to fill up the life boats before we can. We've got to be patient," I added with a glance at Tommy. He was talking with the steward, but I couldn't hear them over the noise of the other people.

Tommy turned, making his way towards us, coming down to the bottom of the stairwell.

"The bleeding idiot!" Tommy cursed, "They're not letting anyone out! Not even the women and children. We'll end up drowning all because they don't want to cause a panic. It's a load shite! All of it! All of them!"

I felt Imogen's eyes on me. I looked at her. She suddenly looked very frightened. I set her down and she went to her mother. Taking Tommy by the sleeve, I led him away from the Kelly children.

"Is there nothing we can do?" I asked, keeping my voice low.

Tommy shook his head, "They said they'll let us out when it's time. That's all."

"Then we'll be patient," I said firmly. Tommy looked like he was about to object to this, but I didn't let him, "It's useless to frighten everyone here," I said, mainly talking about Declan and Imogen, "We'll worry about the water when we see it."

Tommy glared at me and I glared back. We couldn't both loose our tempers, not at a time like this. One of us needed to keep a level head, or we would all be in hysterics. Fabrizio looked to frightened to say anything, Tommy was to angry to think straight and so that left me. I took a deep breath to keep calm. We would make it through this, we would find a way. They had to let us out eventually.

"Just listen to what the stewards have to say, they know what's best," I said.

"Like hell they do," Tommy spat.

I wasn't about to voice it, but I agreed. There was nothing we could do about it right now though, they were our best hope at the moment.

Tommy turned to Fabrizio, "Go and see if you can find another way out," he said. Fabrizio looked at me and I gave him a nod. The Italian turned and disapeared through the passengers, down the hall.

Tommy and I stood and waited, pressed together between bodies as more people piled onto the stairwell. I looked up at Tommy. He was still glowering up at the stewards. I figured it was best to stay silent until Tommy's temper subsided. Feeling eyes on him, Tommy looked down at me.

"You look nervous," he said.

"I'm terrified," I breathed. I had no idea what was going to happen.

Tommy gave me a sympathetic look, putting his arms around me and pulling me to his chest. I buried my face in his shirt, inhaling the sweet smell of tobacco on him. It was comforting to me. I had never felt so frightened before. Titanic was sinking. What was going to happen to us?


	9. Facing the Inevitable

**Facing the Inevitable**

* * *

**April 15th 1912**

**12:05 am**

We stood like that for a few minutes before Tommy finally released me, looking down at me.

"Come on Emily," he said, taking my hand and pulling me through the thicket of bodies, "I'm not going to let you die down here, not like this," he said determinedly.

We wove our way through the people, everyone packed so tightly it was hard to get footing on the stairs. Tommy held onto my hand tightly, pulling me up until we reached the iron gates. I grabbed onto them to help keep me up while Tommy talked with the white vested steward.

"Open this gate now," he said firmly, trying to keep his temper under control.

"We're doing the best we can," the steward replied. He looked flustered and overwhelmed, "Just stay calm! When we get the orders, then we will open the gate!"

"Damn your orders, man!" Tommy spat, rattling the iron bars, "You can't keep us locked up here like animals, the ships bloody sinking!"

The steward looked at Tommy, his face pinched with worry. His eyes flickered to me then over the rest of the crowed. I could see him wrestling his conscience, trying to decide to follow his orders or do what was right. I chewed my lip, silently begging for him to make the right decision.

"Alright, stand back!" The steward said, turning to one of his companions he said, "Open the gate."

My heart leapt in my chest. We were going to make it out. We were going to be given a fighting chance.

The man struggled with the keys as he tried to unlock the door. As he was doing this the steward turned to us, saying, "Women and children only!"

My heart sank. I looked at Tommy. What was to happen to him? He just looked down at me and smiled, which only hurt more. How was he so willing to face his death like this? And was I so willing to leave him? Tommy stepped aside, pulling me in front of him as the bars started to slide open. They had barley been opened a couple of feet when women started rushing past. Then a man tried to push his way through, either to frightened to stay or he didn't understand what had been said.

Either way, chaos ensued and suddenly, everyone was trying to slip through the gates. The steward cried out and the gates began closing on us once again.

"No!" Tommy cried out. He, and a few other people tried to pry the gate back open. One of the stewards grabbed an axe from off the wall and began using it a baton. He stuck it through the iron bars, hitting people with the wooden end to try and get them off the gate. People began shoving and fighting and in all the commotion, I was struck in the side of the face with the axe.

I cried out and held my tender cheek, just under my eye. Tommy, who had witnessed the whole thing, turned to the steward with the axe and shouted, "Filthy bastard!"

The other steward stepped back, pulling out a small pistol and loading it. He pointed it at all of us, warning us to get back.

"Tommy!" I cried, shying away from the pistol. I tried to pull him out of range, but he just moved so that he was standing between me and the firearm. He took hold of the bars and shouted at the steward.

"For God's sake man, there are women and children down here! Let us out so that we can have a chance!"

I looked over my shoulder. Everyone in the stairwell looked up, frightened and confused about what was happening at the gate. I saw Cora amongst the crowd, burying her face in her fathers neck. Imogen and Declan were clinging to Arlene's skirts. Helga and her parents were standing in the far corner, frightened. People were shouting in languages I didn't understand. It was all hectic chaos.

"Forget it Tommy!" I said, turning back to him and the steward, "He's nothing but a coward," I snapped, "A coward and a murderer."

I couldn't stop myself. My temper had reached it's limits. It was all insanity.

I looked over my shoulder again, this time spotting two new faces. I recognized them both, it was Jack and Rose. Both appeared at the bottom on the stairwell, looking frightened and shivering in damp clothes.

"Jack!" I called, giving Tommy's shoulder a shake. He looked over at them too.

We shoved our way to the bottom on the stairs to Jack and Rose.

"Jackie!" Tommy called and Jack looked over at us.

"Emily! Tommy!" He reached for us and we all gathered at the bottom of the stairs. Jack and I embraced and when I pulled away from him, I gave Rose a nod. She looked at me a gave me a strained smile.

"Can we get out?" Jack asked, looking at Tommy, shouting to be heard over all the other passengers.

Tommy shook his head, "It's hopeless that way!"

Jack glanced around, "Well, whatever we do we've go to do it fast," he said.

"Jack!"

All four of us looked over as Fabrizio pushed his way towards us.

"Fabrizio!"

Jack and Fabrizio hugged tightly. As they did, I noticed handcuffs around Jack's wrists. The chain had been severed, but the cuffs were still intact. I looked at Rose, confused. What had gone down between the time on the stern and now? Jack pulled back from Fabrizio. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Helga. She was dragging her parents through the crowd to come and stand by us.

"The boats are all gone!" Fabrizio was saying in broken English.

"We got to find a way out," Jack said to us, again looking around.

"Did you find anything Fabrizio?" I asked.

"There is _niente_ that way!" Fabrizio said, indicating to where he had just from from.

"Alright," Jack said, taking hold of Rose's hand, "Then lets go this way."

"No, Jack! Wait!" Fabrizio said as we all turned to leave. He looked to Helga at her parents, "Helga! You come! Come with me!"

Helga looked between her parents and Fabrizio. She said something in Norwegian to her father who began shaking his head and talking back to her. Helga looked at Fabrizio, helpless.

"We go to the boats!" Fabrizio said, trying desperately to make her understand, "You all come and we go to America. We will be together!"

Jack put a hand on Fabrizio's shoulder impatiently, "Come on Fabrizio," he urged. I glanced at Tommy, who was looking between Helga and Fabrizio.

"Helga, _per favore_! It is destiny! We will go to America," Fabrizio begged her. Helga looked to her father again, who said something gruff in Norwegian. Helga turned back to Fabrizio, looking heart broken. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly on the lips. They pulled away and Fabrizio took her hand and tried to pull her along with us, but she wouldn't move.

Jack took hold of Fabrizio's arm, not wanting to waste any more time. He pulled Fabrizio back, prying his hand from Helga's, "Let's go Fabrizio, we need to move!"

We all turned and followed Jack down the corridor. Fabrizio backed up with us, watching for Helga until she was lost in the crowd. I felt terrible for the ill fated lovers and wished that there was some way we could have made Helga and her parents understand.

"I will never forget you!" I hear Fabrizio cry out as Helga disappeared in the crowd.

We made our way through the various corridors, Jack and Rose leading the way. Fabrizio followed close after, then me, while Tommy brought up the rear. Jack stopped to look down a smaller corridor.

"Come on!" Tommy said, making to go further down the hall.

"No, come on! Lets go this way!" Jack replied and we went down the hall. We passed a group of foreigners, turned a corner and arrived at a smaller stair well, whose gates were also closed. There were at lot less people on these stairs, only about ten souls, and only one steward on the other side of the gate.

"Go back down the main stair well and everything will be straightened out there," The steward was saying.

Jack reached the gate and pointed a finger at the steward, "Open the gate," he threatened.

"Go back down the main stair well," the steward replied calmly.

"Open the gate!" Jack shouted.

"Go back down the main stair well like I told you!"

Jack shook the gate angrily, "God damn it, you son of a bitch!" He roared.

I swallowed, frustrated. Jack turned to us, muttering, "There's got to be something we can do."

He glanced around the stair well. He stopped and stared at something behind Tommy and I, pushing past us. He went to a wooden bench that was bolted down to the floor, grabbing hold of the back of it. He began tugging it at, trying to rip it up from the floor.

"Tommy! Fabrizio! Help me out!" Jack commanded and both of the men went to Jack's side. I looked at Rose and she looked and me, both of us getting the same idea.

"Step aside!" Rose called.

"Make room," I said, pushing people out of the way. Tommy, Jack and Fabrizio began rocking the bench, pulling the bolts up from the floor and tearing the bench from its place.

"Put that down!" The steward cried, backing up.

The three men hoisted the wooden bench, Tommy and Fabrizio taking the sides while Jack held the back. Using it like a battering ram, the ran the bench into the gate. Pressed up against the wall, I watched them beat down the gate until the iron bars buckled and they burst through. Using the bench as a sort of walk way, Jack and Fabrizio climbed over it to the other side.

Rose took Tommy's hand and he helped her over, then held out his hand for me. I took it, and made to follow, but Tommy held me back.

"Wait," Tommy said gently and he pulled me close to him. He looked down at me and I found myself staring up at him, unable to look away. Tommy reached up, a hand on my waist while the other carefully cupped my chin, tilting my face up. My heart suddenly beat rapidly in my chest and I bit my bottom lip, nervous. He leaned down to me, resting his forehead on mine. I could feel my breathing hitch and my knees grow weak, anticipating what was coming next. Everything seemed to stop for that moment with Tommy's face so close, his lips hovering near mine.

He leaned down a little more, kissing me tenderly. It was gentle, but intense and passionate. I could taste the sweet bitterness of the cigarettes on his lips.

I couldn't breath, I couldn't think. I willed myself to move, but I couldn't. My senses were suddenly ablaze and I was aware of everything around me; our friends watching, the steward yelling, the ship sinking, and then it was just Tommy and I, as if none of that mattered any more and we were the only two people left. I could feel him pressed to me as I melted into his kiss, leaning in and wrapping my arms around his neck.

Then just as quickly as it had happened, it ended. Tommy pulled away from me, watching me carefully. I didn't meet his gaze. My face was burning and my heart was still racing from the kiss. I didn't know what to think, or do or say.

"I'm sorry Emily," Tommy said apologetically, "But after tonight, I might not have had the chance to do that."

I looked up at Jack, Rose and Fabrizio. Jack looked mildly surprised as he held Rose's hand. Rose smiled sweetly, her eyes flickering between Tommy and I. Fabrizio was the only one who looked like he had been waiting for this. He smiled at us sadly. I could feel Tommy's eyes on me, waiting for me to say something. I just remained silent. Tommy hoisted himself over the bench and past the gate.

The steward had been yelling at us the entire time.

"You can't go through here! Go back! You can't go-" he stopped suddenly and Tommy passed him, punching the steward swiftly across the side of the face. The steward crumpled to the ground, his lip bleeding heavily.

Finally finding the strength to move my legs, I climbed over as well and followed the rest of the group. I was confused in every way possible. My feelings and emotions were awry. Tommy had felt something for me but I wasn't sure of my own feelings; not yet anyway. I had been so certain that Jack and I were to be together, that the prospect of Tommy and I never even crossed my mind. How could I have been so blind? The pieces were slowly coming together, creating an entirely different picture than what I had imagined. All the times Tommy had been there for me, now made sense. Not only was Tommy and good person and a protective friend, but he was much more than that, and I had only had eyes for Jack. How could I have been so stupid? I had been angry that Jack loved Rose while feeling nothing for me, when I was doing the same to Tommy. Did I feel the same about him now? There was no denying that I had kissed Tommy back. His embrace had felt so right and so comforting but there was still something holding me back.

We made our way down the hall, turning down a few more corridors before we saw a door.

"This is the way out!" Jack called as we followed him. We ended up on the first class promenade deck. We burst through the door to a scene of anarchy. People were running around the decks frantically, some wearing life belts some not. I tugged at my own life belt nervously. It was freezing on the deck, a cold wind nipping at my nose.

"All the boats are gone!" Rose cried and I turned the direction she was looking. She was right. They weren't loading people anymore and already I could see a few boats dotting the water.

Jack climbed up onto the railing to get a better a look out over the ship.

I felt sick with anticipation. What were we going to do now? I could feel the tilt of Titanic as we ran across the deck, we didn't have much time left.

Rose grabbed Jack and pulled him towards an older gentleman. We all followed suit. The man had white hair, dressed in his best with a top hat on. I had no idea who this man was, but Rose seemed to recognize him.

"Colonel! Are there any boats left?" Rose asked.

The old man nodded, "Yes, miss. There are still a couple of boats all the way forward. This way, I'll lead you!"

Jack took Rose's hand and they sprinted off the direction that the Colonel had pointed, ignoring his kind gesture. Tommy, Fabrizio and I followed close behind, trying to not get lost in the crowd. People rushed past us, throwing things over the side of the ship, trying to jump onto lowering life boats and tripping over each other. We passed by four men, playing string instruments. Beautiful music drifted up from their quartet that was both soothing and alarming.

"Music to drown by. Now I know I'm in first class," Tommy muttered to me as we kept up with Fabrizio, Jack and Rose.

Everything was falling to peices. It was frightening. We managed to fight our way through a mob on the other side of the deck. A few women and children were still being loaded onto some left over life boats. We pushed our way to the front of the crowd, the mob so thick that we were packed together like sardines. Wedged between Fabrizio and Tommy, I looked over at the people next to us. Three little girls were being helped onto the life boats with their mother. Their father was remaining on the ship. The girls, in tears, were being comforted by their parents, but to no avail.

"It's goodbye only for a little while," the father was saying and the girls cried harder, "Just a little while. This boat is for the mommies and children, I have to wait for another boat that is just for the fathers."

The life boat began to lower away. The wife looked at her husband, trying to be brave for her little girls. The girls were sobbing uncontrollably for their father while he too tried to remain cheery looking. I could see the pain in his eyes though as he shed a few tears for his family. The sight broke my heart. I looked at Jack, Fabrizio and Tommy. I couldn't leave them. Jack and Fabrizio were everything dear to me and Tommy; Tommy was an entirely different story. As we waited our turn for a spot on the life boats, I looked at Tommy, shaking my head.

"I can't do this," I said suddenly and he looked down at me. Fabrizio, Jack and Rose looked over as well.

"I can't get on that boat," I continued, my eyes flickering between Jack, Tommy and Fabrizio, "Not without you. I can't leave knowing you are all doomed here and I am safe. Please don't make me do this."

Jack opened his mouth but it was Tommy who replied, "You are getting on that boat Emily," he said, "Jackie, Fabrizio and I will all find a way to get off Titanic but I want you on that boat."

I shook my head again stubbornly, "No! You don't understand Tommy. I can't. I am not getting on that boat unless you are on there with me."

Tommy looked at me and I looked back at him evenly. This wasn't about me, not any more. I couldn't, wouldn't, abandon my friends to their deaths. I would face it with them and if we lived or died, then so be it; at least we would be together. Then there was Tommy; stubborn, short tempered, witty Tommy who I still couldn't completely figure out. If he was feeling what I thought he was feeling, then I couldn't leave him.

"Emily, you're talking faster than you're thinking. This may be your last chance to get off Titanic. You last chance to survive!" Tommy said.

I looked up at Tommy, "I'll take my chances Tommy," I whispered, quoting Tommy from just a few nights ago when we were below decks and he had asked me for a dance. Tommy's mouth curled into a smile that did not reach his eyes. He watched me wistfully but did not try to continue convincing me to get on the life boat. We would face with inevitable together.

Tommy and I watched each other, not breaking the others gaze until Jack spoke.

"You had better go and check the other side," Jack said, pulling Rose close to him.

I nodded and Tommy led the way, Fabrizio following us. We made our way to the other side of Titanic. I could feel the ship tilt more with each passing minute. In some places it was hard to get my footing and I found myself tripping over other people. The wood and metal groaned as the pressure from the ship built. I could hear a gun shot ring out from across Titanic's deck, followed by screams and shouts. It was all falling apart. People were in hysterics. There were children crying and screaming for their mothers, who had been separated in the discord. Men fought for a place on the life boats and women wept for their husbands. The stewards, officers and seamen had lost complete control and were scrambling to maintain some sort of order. It was useless.

We reached the other side of the deck where men were crowding around two overturned life boats. We joined the crowd, freezing, frightened and on our last hope.

* * *

**Authors Note**: I believe this is one of the hardest chapters I had ever written. I cannot imagine how I am going to get through the next one. The kiss was very tricky but I like how it turned out. Oh! My heart breaks for Tommy and Emily. How I love them.


	10. Titanic Founders

**Titanic Founders**

* * *

**April 15th 1912**

**2:20 am**

Tommy, Fabrizio and I squeezed our way to the front of the group. It was mostly men crowding around the life boats. The officers were trying to keep the men at bay, pushing them back and yelling at them to keep their place while they fixed the boats for launching. Everyone was shoving and pushing. I stayed pressed up close to Tommy, feeling scared. Titanic has sunk more than I thought and the water was rising quickly. More than half the ship was underwater and on our part of the deck, the water line was only a few feet below us from the railing.

"Get back! Get back I tell you!" One of the officers shouted, shoving men back into their places. He grabbed up an oar from the life boat and waved it threateningly in our direction. The men formed a sort of half circle around the boats. The officers were heavily out numbered and the crowd of men was antsy to rush the boat.

"Let us through, damn you!" A man from the back of the group shouted.

The officer gripped the oar tighter, pushing us back with it, "Stay back!" he shouted again then lowered the oar to help the other officers with the boats. Tommy, Fabrizio and I did as we were told but the men were not so willing. They crowded us closer to the boats as more people joined the mob. The mass of people was thick and growing quickly. One unlucky man who lost his footing toppled over the side of the railing and went crashing into the icy water below. His scream caused a new panic to rippled through the group and everyone was pushing closer to the boats again.

Another officer stepped forwards, a shorter man with blonde hair. He tried to keep us away from the boats but it was futile. We were running out of time and sanity. The officer drew a revolver from inside his uniform and brandished it our direction. At the sight of the gun, we all retreated as best we could. The officer turned and fired a few warning shots into the sky.

I jumped from the loud noise and moved closer to Tommy, gripping his arm. I had never been so frightened in my life.

"Will you give us a chance to live you limey bastards!" Tommy shouted at the officer.

The officer turned his gun on the crowd, namely Tommy, and said, "I'll shoot any man who tries to get past me."

A well dressed man stepped forwards. I recognized him from so many nights ago when Jack had rescued Rose from off the back of Titanic. It was Cal, Roses ill tempered fiancé.

"We had a deal, damn you!" Cal said to the officer.

The officer reached into his jacket and pulled out a bundle of cash. He threw it at Cal, the bills fluttering in the cold wind.

"Your money can't save you any more than it can save me," the officer growled then shoved Cal back into the group, "Get back!"

A man broke off from the mob. He climbed over one of the overturned boats, frantically trying to save himself. The officer turned his revolver on the man and fired a shot. I screamed loudly as the man fell to the deck floor, blood pouring from the bullet wound in his head. Tommy threw out his arm in front of me protectively. Behind us, the throng of men jostled and someone ran into me from behind. I stumbled into Tommy who in turn fell forwards. The officer, seeing Tommy advance, turned his revolver on Tommy and fired.

My heart pounded so loud, I could barley hear myself scream. I watched as Tommy's body collapsed back onto the deck. Fabrizio rushed to his side, shouting profanities in Italian. I fell to my knee's next to Tommy, my vision blurring with tears. Blood bloomed from Tommy's chest like the petals of a rose, seeping through his white lifebelt. I placed my hand over Tommy's chest, feeling his sporadic heart beats beneath my palm. Tears spilled over my cheeks uncontrollably.

"Tommy! Please Tommy!" I begged between sobs, turning to the officer, "How could you!"

The officer, pale and wide eyed, stepped back and saluted the other officers. He raised his gun, putting the barrel to his temple and pulling the trigger. The officers body fell over the side of the railing and into the water.

I looked at Tommy. He was looking up at me, his hazel eyes clouding over. With a shaking hand, he reached up and laid his hand on my cheek. I placed my hand over his, the tears coming faster. He struggled to breath, his chest rising and falling with each unsteady breath. Blood pooled from his chest and his back where the bullet dislodged.

"Tommy," I cried, "I'm so sorry Tommy. Please forgive me."

A sad smile graced Tommy's lips, "All but death can be adjusted, Emily," he coughed.

I cried harder. Tommy ran his thumb along my cheek gently, wiping the tears away.

"Please don't cry Emily," Tommy whispered.

"Tommy," I said quietly, "Please don't leave me."

Tommy swallowed and coughed again, his whole body shuttering.

"I should have told you sooner, Emily. I should have told you what you meant to me," Tommy coughed, talking between each strained breath. I knew he was talking about the kiss. I felt my heart grow heavy with sadness and guilt.

I leaned my cheek into his hand, "Don't talk like that Tommy," I begged, "It's too soon, too soon to say goodbye."

Tommy shook his head and coughed again. Blood bubbled in his mouth, turning his lips red and spilling out over the corners of his mouth. I was loosing him.

"Tommy?" I said urgently. His hand dropped from my cheek. I put my hand on his chest again, feeling his faint heart beat.

"I love you Emily Cross," Tommy whispered.

Tommy's body went lip, his head rolling to the side. His eyes remained open, starting into an empty void. I couldn't feel a pulse beneath his lifebelt. My whole body was racked with sobs. One hand still on his chest, I ran my fingers through his curly locks with the other. Fabrizio came and kneelt beside me, wrapping is arms around me. I could hear him choking back sobs for his friend.

"Emily," Fabrizio said gently. I shook my head. I knew what he was going to say. We were running out of time, the water was already steadily making it's way towards us, crawling up Titanic's deck. I didn't want to leave Tommy's body though.

"Emily please," Fabrizio said, "We need to move."

I didn't reply.

Fabrizio moved to the other side of Tommy. Watching the water, he unbuckled Tommy's bloodied lifebelt with shaking hands, putting it on himself and tying it up. Then we went and helped the men and officers trying to turn the life boats back over. Using a pocket knife, he sawed at the ropes to free the boats. I remained by Tommy's side, feeling lost. He had been the leader, the rock, through this whole calamity. He had saved us from a gruesome death in the bowels of Titanic but now he was gone.

"Oh, Tommy," I whispered, moving his hair from his blank face, "Please forgive me."

I leaned down and carefully kissed his forehead, saying a silent goodbye to my friend. The water lapped up around us, turning a sickly red color from Tommy's spilled blood. It was freezing and made me shiver violently. I stood up, soaking, as the water gurgled and churned it's way up the half sunk deck of Titanic. I looked around. The men were still trying to ready the boats for launch but it was useless. The water was to high. Fabrizio was no where to be seen.

"Fabrizio!" I called, moving up the steep deck to avoid the water, "Fabrizio! Please!"

There was no answer. I glanced around for the Italian, but I couldn't make him out in the crowd. I looked over my shoulder at Tommy's lifeless body, just in time to see the water consume him and drag him out into the freezing depths. Now, I was completely alone. I swallowed the fear bubbling up inside. I needed to think, I needed to move. Gathering my skirts, heavy with water and Tommy's blood, I followed the crowd of Titanic passengers, all making way for her stern.

More than half of Titanic was underwater and it was only a matter of minutes before the whole ship faced her watery grave. I followed what passengers were left to the stern. I had no idea where Fabrizio was. I had hoped that Jack and Rose were safely on a life boat, but I couldn't be sure. Tommy was dead. Arlene Kelly and her children were most likely trapped somewhere in the third class, along with Cora and her family and many others. It seemed everyone was gone in some way or another. Everyone, that is, but Helga Dalh. I could just make out her blonde head bobbing in and out of passengers just a few feet ahead of me.

"Helga!" I cried, shouting her direction, "Helga!"

She turned her head, tears in her beautiful hazel eyes. She spotted me and tried pushing her way towards me. The mob was too thick though, and she couldn't get through. I picked up my pace, reaching out my hand for her. She reached as well, and our fingers barley managed to intertwine. We held on tightly, coming together in the crowd.

"Helga!" I said breathlessly, my own vision blurred by frightened tears, "Helga, where are your parents?"

Helga started talking quickly in Norwegian. I shook my head to indicate I didn't understand.

_"Jeg er helt alene, redd, jeg kan ikke svømme!"_ Helga cried, "Fabrizio,_ hvor er _Fabrizio?"

I bit my lip, "Oh Helga, I don't know," I said gently, "We got separated in the sinking."

More tears filled Helga's eyes. I took her hand firmly in mine and led the way to the stern. I had to lean into each step. Titanic was titled to far that people were quickly loosing their footing. A few things that weren't bolted down to the ship were sliding down the deck towards the water. I dodged these as we neared the stern. Helga slipped and I hauled her up again, we were just a few feet from the stern.

When we reached it, I grabbed hold of the back railing, hanging on tightly. I instructed Helga to do the same. I wasn't sure what we were going to do, but the railing seemed like our best option. Next to me, two more people grabbed on the other side. I looked at them.

"Jack!"

Jack looked over at me, surprised. Rose looked at us too, her frightened gaze meeting Helga's.

"Em! What are you doing here?" Jack asked.

"We couldn't find a boat."

Jack looked at my blood stained hands and my soaked dress. He frowned, looking at me worriedly.

"Whose blood?" He asked grimly.

I choked back my tears, unable to reply.

"Fabrizio?" Jack questioned.

I shook my head.

"Tommy," Jack replied knowingly.

I nodded slowly and Rose gave a small gasp. We fell into silence, awaiting our doom. Titanic continued to stink, the stern rising higher and the bow sinking lower. I looked out over the freezing sea. People dotted the water, screaming and frantically swimming in all directions. Off in the distance I could just make out the life boats, people watching from the safety of the collapsibles as we struggled for our lives. As Titanic's stern reached for the stars, more people began slipping and falling. I grasped the railing tighter, trying to hold on for dear life.

"Jack," I heard Rose gasp. I turned to look at her. She was looking up at Jack with a sort of longing expression on her delicate features. She smiled at him as he looked down at her, "This is where we first met."

I swallowed again and turned away as Jack kissed her on the forehead. They deserved to be together. It was fate that these two beings had found each other on this ill fated ship. I had been adamant about the two falling in love over the course of a few days, but what they had was different. It was a passion that was fierce and true. Jack loved Rose from the moment he had seen her from the third class deck and Rose had not know what real love was like until Jack stepped into her life. They completed each other and they needed one another.

For a fleeting moment, I thought that I had heard thunder. It was a loud cracking sound, like the sound of a gunshot, but deeper and more unearthly. I realized it was Titanic. The lights on the ship flickered and then went dark, leaving us in thick blackness. The sound was from the ship buckling from the weight. Titanic couldn't support the stern and it was causing the ship to break in half. Metal beneath the ship crunched on itself and the wood of the deck splintered in half.

The weight was too much. Titanic split in half, the stern dropping back down into the water. Everyone screamed as we fell back. My stomached lurched, jumping into my throat from the suddenly falling sensation. Helga and I hugged each other and clung onto the rail, wind rushing past us as we descended. Titanic's stern hit the water with a loud slap. It caused a large wave to form, splashing water on us and sending the passengers in the water flailing.

For a moment, it seemed like it was all over. We bobbed on the water for a few minutes. I looked around hopefully. Was that it? Was this catastrophe finally done with?

It wasn't. Titanic shifted again and I felt my feet slipping out from underneath me again as it started to tilt. I cried out and gripped the rail tighter.

_Not again! Dear God please make it stop! _I prayed.

I couldn't hold on much longer.

"We have to move!" Jack said next to me. Making sure Rose was holding on tightly to the railing, he climbed over onto the other side. Laying down on the stern rail, he held his hand out for Rose saying, "Come on! I've got you."

Rose clambered over the railing after Jack and he held her tightly. I did the same but Helga didn't climb fast enough. Soon the stern was vertical in the air and she struggled to hold on. I reached through the railing and took hold of Helga's wrists, trying to pull her up.

"Helga! Hold on!" I commanded.

Her grip was loosening on the cold rails. She whimpered fearfully and I held onto her tighter. Her fingers slipped from the railing and she dropped, almost pulling me off the rail with her. I felt Jack grab onto the back of my lifebelt while I struggled to keep a hold on Helga's wrists. I tried pulling her up next to us but her hands slipped through mine. Helga fell from my grasp with a scream. I watched, wide eyed, as she dropped fifteen stories to the water below.

I barley had anytime to react to Helga's death before Jack spoke again. The water was swiftly filling up the stern and it was sinking fast. We only had seconds before the rest of Titanic was under water.

"Take a deep breath and hold it right before we go into the water. The ship will suck us down," Jack was saying, looking at me. He turned to Rose, taking her hand and saying, "Kick for the surface and keep kicking. Don't let go of my hand. We're gonna make it Rose. Trust me."

"I trust you Jack," Rose replied.

The water boiled up, consuming the last of Titanic. I took deep breaths and when the water reached my hand and knees, I started swimming. Titanic disappeared beneath the depths, sucking us under just like Jack said. I slipped beneath the freezing water, kicking with all my might. The cold water shocked my body, making it hard to move my limbs. My lungs burned and ached for air but no matter how hard I swam, I felt like I was barley moving. I felt myself growing light headed and my chests constrict from lack of oxygen. Just when I thought I wasn't going to make it, my head broke the surface. I gasped for breath and looked around.

There were people all around me, screaming and swimming. I looked for Jack and Rose but I couldn't see them in the mass of people. I tried calling their names.

"Jack! Rose?" I yelled, over all the other voices crying for help. There was no answer.

People bumped into me and pulled me under in a panic. I was going to drown if I remained where I was. Gathering up the last bit of energy I had, I picked a direction and started swimming. My arms and legs were numb from the cold water and every breath was painful to take. The cold penetrated every part of my body, stiffening my joints and making it hard to move. I began shaking uncontrollably, trying desperately to swim out of the congregation of drowning passengers.

I was quickly growing exhausted. I struggled to keep moving and keep myself conscious but with everything that had occurred in the past few hours, I wasn't sure how long I could hang on. I felt someone take hold of my lifebelt. I thought that whoever it was, was going to drag me under so I tried to push them off me.

"Easy now miss," someone said.

I looked up. It was a boy, about sixteen, who was smiling down at me. Him and a few other men had taken cover on one of the overturned life boats. They sat on the boat, avoiding the water and awaiting rescue. The boy pulled me up onto the belly of the boat. I sat on the edge, tucking my knees to my body for warmth. Someone draped a heavy coat around my shoulders and I pulled it around myself gratefully.

The boy took a seat next to me. In the distance, I could see where Titanic had been just moments ago. People in the water were screaming for help. I had no idea where Jack and Rose were but I hoped that they were safe. The boy pulled out a flask from inside his coat pocket and offered it to me. I shook my head.

"It'll help numb the pain, miss," he encouraged gently, offering it again.

I looked down at the leather flask. The boy wasn't talking about the pain from the freezing water. He was talking about the pain that we had endured the whole night. The pain of loosing Tommy and Helga and every one else. The pain that the Ship of Dreams had gone down before she reached America. The pain of everything I had been through the last few days.

I took the flask, welcoming the whiskey when it burned my throat as I swallowed. I drank for Jack and Rose, that they could be together. I drank for Cora and her family, the Kelly family and Helga's parents, that they were okay. I drank for Fabrizio, that he would fulfill his destiny and reach America, where ever he was. I drank for the people in the water. I drank for Tommy, for his bravery and kindness. Lastly, I drank for myself, that I could make it through the night, the next day and the rest of my life.

* * *

**Authors Note:** Forgive the mistakes, please. It's very late here. I'm sorry for the sad chapter, but it had to happen. There will be one or two more chapters after this before it ends, so please keep reading. Tommy and Emily must reunite eventually, no?


	11. Aftermath

**Aftermath **

* * *

**April 15th 1912**

**Early Morning**

It felt like hours passed. Between the sixteen year old and I, we had emptied his flask of whiskey. I sat on the edge of the capsized boat, pulling the boys coat around me tighter for warmth. I stared at the spot where Titanic had been sailing just moments before. There was a terrible aching in my chest that would not subside and my head was dizzy from the whiskey. I had eventually stopped shivering but my body was now painfully numb. The boy next to me sat hunched over and rubbed his hands to try and keep them warm.

_They're gone_, I thought to myself._ All those people who went under with Titanic, gone._

The aching in my chest grew more intense, as did the feeling of guilt. I felt an emptiness inside that was slowly eating away at me. How could I have survived while all those people were left to suffer? I shouldn't be sitting here on this capsized boat. I should have been in the water. There was a long list of people who should have been in my place; brave and innocent souls that deserved to live.

Despite feeling so sad, I didn't cry. This whole night had been a complete nightmare, and yet the tears didn't come.

Everything was growing quieter. I couldn't hear people in the water anymore and it frightened me. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Something flashed out of the corner of my eye. I turned to see a light. I couldn't quite make out what it was, but then I recognized the dark outline of a lifeboat that had launched during Titanic's sinking. With stiff and painful movements, I reached over to the boy next to me and grabbed hold of his shirt sleeve. He glanced at me and I pointed.

"There's a boat," I croaked, barley recognizing my own quiet voice.

The boy looked, then jumped to his feet. Despite the freezing air and the water, he found strength to throw his arms over his head and flag down the boat.

"Oi!" he cried out, "Over here!"

Soon the other men joined in, shouting and waiving their arms in the frigid night. The boat heard us, and it turned, shinning the light on us.

"Alright, up you go miss," the boy said, grabbing hold of my arm and pulling me up.

The boat inched its way closer. There were three officers in the boat and one of them I recognized. The last time I had seen him, was a few days ago on the first class promenade deck. It was Officer Lowe. He held the light, calling out instructions to his fellow officers. They rowed closer and closer to us.

"Easy now!" I heard Officer Lowe cry out as the boat came inches from hitting us, "Careful, nice and slow."

The lifeboat pulled up next to us. The boy looked down at me and smiled.

"Here you go miss," he said gently, taking my elbow, "Ladies first. Step lightly."

I did as I was told. Officer Lowe held out his hand and I took it, climbing into the safety of the lifeboat. I felt another coat being dropped around my shoulders. They must have gathered together as many extra pieces of clothing as possible to help warm the survivors that they picked up. I watched as one by one the men climbed up into the boat. There weren't very many of us.

Even in the boat, safe, and warmer than I had been, the weight of the whole night was still heavy on my shoulders. I felt no relief, or happiness or hope. Just despair and guilt.

We began rowing again and that it when I noticed figure lying in the boat. I titled my head to get a better look at their face and gasped at what I saw, moving closer. It was Rose. Her skin was pale and her lips were blue. A thin layer of ice had formed on her eyelashes and her eyebrows. Her eyes were open but unblinking, and her lips were parted slightly. She was breathing, but it was soft and slow.

"Rose?" I asked gently, reaching over and carefully laying a hand on her chest. She was wrapped up tightly in a bundle of extra coats and blankets, "Rose?"

She didn't reply. She didn't even look at me. She just stared up at the stars.

I looked over at Officer Lowe, "What's wrong with her?"

Officer Lowe glanced back at me sadly, "She spent the night in the water miss," he replied.

I turned back to Rose. I felt the boat rock slightly as the boy who had shared his flask of whiskey with me made his way over to me. He sat down, putting a firm hand on my shoulder. I sat back in the boat, suddenly feeling very exhausted and tired. The last thing I remembered was watching Officer Lowe light a flare, the bright flame lighting up the night sky.

The next thing I knew, we were rowing towards a massive ship. The men that had been with me on the overturned lifeboat were helping the other officers row. I stayed where I was next to Rose, looking around. The night was slowly turning into morning and a gray haze had settled over the freezing Atlantic. The other lifeboats, about twenty of them, were making their way to the ship that had come to our aid. It was big, but nothing in comparison to the scale of the beautiful, ill fated, Titanic. Written in gold lettering on the bow of the ship was the name RMS Carpathia.

We boarded the ship. Two officers half dragged, half carried Rose onto the deck. She was conscious, but she wasn't responding to any of us. They sat her down on one of the benches on the third class promenade deck and I quietly took the seat next to her. The Carpathia was eerily silent. With the exception of some officers and the survivors of Titanic, the decks were empty. I watched as the people from the lifeboats began clamoring onto the ship one by one, looking scared and lost. I looked for the boy who had been so kind to me, and who had rescued me from the water but I had lost him. He was nowhere to be found. Stewards and stewardesses walked around handing out blankets for us, one of which I took gratefully.

We sat in silence for a long time and I watched everyone around me. Everyone had boarded and Carpathia was setting sail again, taking its passengers, as well as Titanic's, back to America. I finally turned to Rose.

"Rose, please look at me," I said gently but she didn't make any notions that she had heard me.

"Rose. I need to know, is Jack alive?"

Still no answer. I swallowed hard and got up from the bench to walk the promenade deck. I needed something to distract me.

Only, nothing could distract me. Everything reminded me of the events that had taken place over the past few hours.

I walked up to an officer who was talking to a woman. He had in his hand clipboard and was writing down as the woman talked fast. She seemed frantic, describing someone with brown hair. There was no doubt in my mind that she was looking for a loved one. I tapped the officer on the shoulder and he turned to me.

"Name please?" he asked.

"Emily Cross. Is there a Jack Dawson on your list?" I replied quietly and watched as he flipped through the list of names. He shook his head.

"Fabrizio De Rossi?" I asked and he checked again.

"No one by that name, sorry miss," the officer replied.

"Arlene Kelly? Anyone by the name of Cartmell or Dahl?" I tried, growing desperate. I just needed a name, any name.

The officer just shook his head at me grievously, "I'm sorry miss," he said then added, "I've only half the names of the survivors. You can try again once we get a full report."

I know the officer was just trying to give me hope, but it only made things worse. I turned and walked back to where Rose was. I had always known that there was a next to nothing chance that any of my friends had survived, but now knowing that they were truly gone, made my heart break. I was truly alone. I sat down next to Rose on the bench, fighting back tears. She turned to look at me, snapping out of shock and quietly leaning over and wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I hugged her back and the tears began flowing freely. Silent sobs from Rose told me she was crying as well. We sat there, hugging each other and quietly mourning the loss of our friends and lovers.

It was a few minutes before we pulled away. I hastily wiped my cheeks and Rose did the same. There was no need for words; an understanding passed between each other.

I turned to Rose, "Good luck Rose, with everything," I said gently.

"And your too Emily," Rose replied.

That was that. After our brief goodbye, we went our separate ways, never seeing each other again after that.

It was early morning when Carpathia docked in America. As the ramp was lowered to the warf, photographers and reporters crowded around. People were shouting and jostling each other, the flashes of cameras snapping away like bright bolts of lightning. Police officers were placed to keep the press back. Behind them, relatives and friends of Titanic and Carpathia passengers waited. I bit my lip as I walked down the ramp with the other Titanic passengers. Reporters grabbed for me, wanting a statement, but I couldn't face them. I managed to slip away unnoticed from the mob. With all my belongings, my letters from Jack, my clothes and what money I had left, now at the bottom of the sea, I walked empty handed along the port, searching for my father.

I spotted him just off the port. He was the same as I remembered from when I was a little girl, before I went to live with my grandmother. He had a bushy mustache and bright eyes with laugh lines crinkling the corners. His blonde hair was faded with streaks of white and his belly was as around as ever. Spotting me, his eyes glistened with happy tears. I felt my own eyes watering as a swell of emotions washed over me. My father opened his arms for me and I ran to his embrace, burying my face in his chest, just like when I was young.

Titanic had sunk.

Though the ordeal was over, I could never escape the aftermath. The newspapers swarmed on the sinking, and each day the headlines were different. They came out with the list of people that had perished a week or so after the sinking. I couldn't bring myself to look at it. The adventure of a lifetime turned nightmare haunted me for months to come. In the middle of the night, I would wake up after hearing gun shots and screaming and the crunching of metal in my dreams. My life had changed now. Everything was going to be different and I was never going to be the same.

As much as I wanted to forget Titanic and move on with my life, I couldn't. Everything seemed to remind me of the tragedy. I couldn't escape the nightmare.

The only thing I didn't want to forget were my friends. I thought of Helga and Fabrizio and their unrequited love. I thought of Jack and his ability to make me laugh. I thought of Tommy and his bravery in his final moments. I thought of Fabrizio's determination to get to America, Tommy's kindness towards me and I often thought of Jack's fierce friendship.

I would remember my friends. They would live forever, but only in my heart.


	12. The Dream (Epilogue)

**The Dream**

* * *

**Six Years Later**

I opened my eyes, dazed. A glare from a bright lightly made me blink and turn my head away. I looked around but could see nothing. Where was I? Where was the smoke? The heat from the flames? The smell of burning flesh? I looked down at myself. I didn't feel any pain. My skin was no longer red and burning. In fact, it was healthy looking and bright. I touched my hair, which was soft and loose, not knotted on top of my head like it usually was. Something was different about me. I felt good, wonderful even.

I looked up.

I was no longer trapped in the factory and I was no longer alone.

I swallowed.

I was back on Titanic, in the third class general room. It looked the same, but it felt different. Everything was bright and clean and inviting. The wood was new and dark and I could still smell the faint aroma of cedar. The paint was white and the lights were dimmed slightly. People filled the general room and my eyes brimmed with tears and I recognized them.

"Emily!"

Two small figures broke off from the large group and made their way towards me. I smiled, overjoyed as I recognized the red hair and dark freckles. I knelt down and they ran towards me, wrapping their little arms around me in a tight embrace. I hugged them back then pulled away to get a good look at them.

Declan and Imogen grinned at me, their round faces lighting up. Arlene stepped up behind her children, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. She smiled down at me gently. I stood up and hugged her as well. Arlene took her children and they stepped back into the crowd. There were many faces I recognized, people I had seen in passing on Titanic. The parted as I walked towards the center of the room.

I spotted Cora with her parents. She looked at me and waved, smiling as she was held in her fathers arms. Next to them were the Dahl's who both nodded their heads towards me. In front of them, was Helga, looking as beautiful as ever.

I held back cries of happiness as I ran to Helga, taking her in my arms. She laughed lightly and kissed me on the cheek. I stood back to look at her. She was bright and shinning.

"Velkommen_ tilbake min kjære venn_," she said softly and I understood every word.

_Welcome back, my dear friend._

She looked lovingly to the person she stood next to. It was Fabrizio, who was grinning at me broadly. They stood hand in hand, Fabrizio only untangling his fingers from Helga's long enough to envelop me in yet another hug. He looked handsome. His dark curls hung playfully in his eyes and he stood tall. It was the Fabrizio I remembered so well.

Past him, almost in the middle of the room was Jack. He turned to look at me, his eyes full of mischief. He looked the same, his blonde hair was pushed out of his face and a coy smile played on his lips, but he seemed different; older, wiser, but just as playful. I went to him and he held me in his arms, cradling me against his chest. I curled into him, missing the familiar, warm embrace.

Six years had passed; six long, lonely years since I had lost everything and everyone that fateful night aboard Titanic.

Jack finally pulled back, holding me at arms length, studying me. He grinned.

"You look beautiful Emily," he spoke softly.

"I missed you Jack," I replied, barley above a whisper.

Jack leaned forwards and kissed my forehead tenderly, "Not anymore," was all he said before he stepped back.

Everyone else in the general room parted to reveal the dancing platform that we had all used so long ago, and on that risen platform, was a man who I had come to miss more than anyone. It was the man who had been there to comfort me; my rock and my friend. The short tempered Irishman who was also kind and loving.

It was Tommy Ryan.

He stood with his hands in his pockets, smiling down at me lovingly. His hazel eyes were bright, and his head of blonde curls created a sort of halo in the light. His features were gentle and kind. There was no wound in him, no blood oozing from a hole in his chest. I had never seen anyone so handsome. Tommy walked to the edge of the platform and held out his hand to me. My gaze flickered between his fingers and his eyes before I took his hand firmly in mine. Tommy grinned and helped me up, drawing me close to him.

I looked up at him. It all seemed like a dream to me. I reached up and touched Tommy's face, half expecting him to disappear in front of me. Instead, he remained solid, and I felt the warmth of his skin beneath my finger tips and the roughness of his stubble. My hands traveled down his face, to his shoulder, coming to rest of his chest. I could feel his heart beat, strong and fast.

I swallowed. It was not a dream. Tommy was here with me, standing close and holding me tight.

"It's you," I breathed.

He nodded, "Aye Emily," he said replied in a whisper, his Irish accent thick and rich like I remembered.

I looked up at him, "Please, Tommy, don't ever leave me."

Tommy leaned down to me, bringing his hands up to cup my face gently. He ran his thumb over my cheek, watching me intently, "I won't," he murmured.

Tommy then leaned down, closing the distance between us and kissing me softly. It all felt so right. There was no hesitation this time when I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. I felt safe, like nothing would ever harm me again, and for the fist time in a while, I was happy. This, here in Tommy's embrace, was where I needed to be. It was where I belonged.

* * *

**Authors Note: **Last chapter! So following the format of Titanic, I decided to end with Emily's death and her reuniting with her friends, like Rose. If you didn't catch it, Emily died in a factory fire. Sad, but at least she and Tommy are together now.

I have an idea for a sort of companion piece in which Tommy lives. It won't be an especially happy piece, but if you guys want to see it, leave a review telling me so. It will take place after the sinking of Titanic but before Emily's death.

Thank you everyone for the wonderful support. I really hope that I did this story justice. Thank you!


End file.
